Page 55 - Cindy Salas Murphy San Diego Woman Magazine

BIT CHIN & MO ANING

the machine finally swal- perfect day was turning and noted I’d still make Lake Erie. Which force the final pangs of pain
lowed my money and out to be not so perfect. it to my appointment would win this awful give way to a warm wet-
spit out a ticket. When I reached the on time. As I relaxed into tug-of-war inside my ness. My brain had lost
As I grabbed the platform, winded and my seat, the urge to pee body? Would it be my the battle; my bladder
ticket I could hear the sweaty, the doors of the returned with a ven- bulging bladder (which had burst.
horn of a train rapidly train stood open just geance. I told myself it made me wonder really If it hadn’t been such
approaching on the plat- waiting for me to fly would be okay. I can do how far can that puppy a perfect day I would
form above. Total panic through them. Just be- this. There’s absolutely stretch?), or my brain have had a coat with
was now setting in, but fore stepping across the nothing I could do about which was rapidly losing me that I could cover
there was still a chance I threshold, I glanced up it at this point. ground. up with. Instead, I would
could make it up to the at the electronic sign- Then, just a few min- The world around have to get off this train,
train platform in time. board announcing the utes out of the station, me seemed surreal, and make my way downstairs
As an avid step aerobics train’s destination and my train began to slow I entered another dimen- and figure out how to
participant, I could bolt discovered this was not down. Inside my head, sion. I was on the train, rectify my dilemma. This
up the escalator in noth- my train. Stepping back I shouted, “No, No, NO, but not on the train. wasn’t really happening,
ing flat without breaking onto the platform I felt NO, NO…” as the train Maybe the fluids were was it? I am a stylish, pro-
a sweat in my foxy-yet- that embarrassment you rolled to a complete backing up into my brain fessional woman and I
classy suit and heels. get when you run for the stop. After an eternity and making me insane. just peed in my pants, or
Without warning my bus, hollering for it to (or maybe about 60 sec- This thought helped take more accurately, in my
need to pee hit a critical wait, but it leaves with- onds), the driver’s voice my mind off my imme- suit.
stage. You know how it out you anyway and now came over the PA system diate troubles. No more No, wait! It really
is. Sometimes the initial all the people standing announcing we would concerns about getting wasn’t happening. I re-
urge doesn’t amount to around are internally be moving shortly. to an appointment on ally had gotten to the
much other than a little laughing at how foolish There are many time, or having to pee. bathroom and I was in
tug on your bladder just you look. definitions of the word What if that could my own stall experi-
before you make it to the I looked again and “shortly”, but that driver’s really happen? What if encing a form of bliss
bathroom. Other times saw BART’s announce- definition and my defini- we could lose our minds beyond description. My
the tug starts off inno- ment board inform me tion did not match that from bodily waste prod- delirium had helped get
cent enough and then that my train was still morning. I sat in my seat ucts backing up into our me through my bladder’s
suddenly you feel like five minutes away. Great! trying to look calm as I system? Maybe I could be attempts at release. And
you’ve consumed Lake Enough time to go to the pondered the worst-case the poster child for some what a release it was…
Erie and it all wants to bathroom? scenario of my bladder as-yet-unnamed mental somewhat painful and
come out NOW. This was risky. Could letting go. I couldn’t pon- health disorder discov- yet exhilarating all at the
My situation was I go back downstairs, get der this too long though ered as a result of my ex- same time.
somewhere between the bathroom key from for fear my bladder perience. Since that perfect
those two extremes but the Agent all the way might mistake that as an I could picture the day, I have had those
rapidly heading toward across the station, go to okay to actually let go. Public Service Announce- moments as I’m head-
Lake Erie. If I missed the the bathroom with all Ten minutes later we ment stating “DON’T LET ing out the door, or
train, I would be 20 min- its machinations, return were moving again, but THIS HAPPEN TO YOU…” anywhere else for that
utes late for my appoint- the key to the Agent and we were still 30 minutes with a photo of me look- matter, when there’s that
ment, and sales calls get back to the platform away from my station, ing crazed in my fancy suit familiar urge to pee. I’m
generally don’t go well before my train arrived. and it would be at least and heels, standing with briefly tempted to ignore
when prospective clients I wasn’t willing to take another five minutes to my legs crossed, hands it and go ahead with my
are left waiting. I decid- the chance.“I’ll be OK” I find the bathroom, get over my crotch, and a cap- plans. Then, memories of
ed this would simply be thought. the key from the Agent, tion underneath that cau- that day come flooding
a mind over matter, or I noticed that with and so forth. tioned, “Use the restroom in (no pun intended).
mind over bladder, mo- all my exertions, the ur- By this time I aban- BEFORE you leave home.” Every time that happens
ment and it was vital that gency to pee had dis- doned all hope of mak- My thoughts drifted I stop, make my way to a
my mind win. appeared. Whew! Crisis ing it to my appointment far and away from the restroom, get undressed,
I sprinted up the averted. I’d just stop at on time. In the grand train and my desperate do my thing, get dressed
stairs, which was the the restroom on the San scheme of things by need to pee. I pictured and freshen up
equivalent of two flights Francisco side of the Bay now that appointment myself getting off the What I know for sure…
straight up but with before I went to see my seemed a very minor train and finding a re- it’s more than worth the
no landing to catch my client. concern. stroom right away. There effort.
breath. (This particular A few minutes later Soon I began cramp- was no line and my path
morning the escalator my train came and I was ing, and I doubled over was free and clear. Relief
wasn’t working-what a on my way. I checked my in pain as my bladder was now seconds away.
surprise). I reluctantly ad- beautiful watch an old writhed and stretched Suddenly I was drawn
mitted to myself that this boyfriend had given me in an attempt to contain back to reality when I felt

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