Page 47 - SMH 2018 3rd edition

BENNY article

After a few years of dealing with depression and anxiety attacks. I rediscovered hiking. I use to hike a lot when I
was younger, but gravitated away from it as I got older. But this time I was backpacking. Loading everything on
my back and going into the woods for days. I started doing longer hikes. Instead of being out for days, I was stay-

ing out for weeks. It was then that I began to notice something. I was starting to feel different afterwards. I was
less stressed. I could handle the high stress without becoming a monster. The anxiety attacks and depression
seemed to go way too. My beautiful bride began see the results which opened up opportunities for us to talk
about what was going on.

The best way I can describe it is this way. It’s like I have a huge desk in my head and it’s a complete mess with
piles of images and things I’ve seen and done. When I’m out on the trail it’s like I can pull one of the images out
of the pile, pray about it, make some sense of it and then file it way where it belongs. This requires lots of prayer
and sometimes painfully revisiting those moments or events, but the end result is that I’m able to finally have
peace from a memory that has haunted me for over a decade. Honestly, that is why I hike so much. It brings me
peace and helps me come to terms with my past. It also gives me that one on one time with my Creator. I give

God all the glory for revealing this to me and helping me slowly overcome this. My battle with PTS is far from
over, but I now have a coping mechanism to help me deal with it.

The down side to being gone so much is the loss of
time with my beautiful bride and kids. But the time
we now have together is quality time. More time is

spent laughing, loving and enjoying each other’s
company. Instead of everyone having to walk on egg
shells, worried about setting me off and sending me
into another anxiety attack.
View of Clingmans from Alum Cave Trail/Photo credit: Nancy Hoyle
47 Smoky Mountain Hiker