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5. Challenge automatic thoughts. Instead of jumping in right away with the old way of
thinking, step back, and re-envision the scenario. Instead of the expected doom and
gloom prognosis and potentially bad outcome, imagine a realistic better result. Reassure
yourself that you have what it takes to successful accomplish your goals, and if you can’t
really feel it at first, than just add up the positive experiences and let the numbers speak for
themselves.

We can project all we want out into the world and make others responsible for us and for what
happens to us, especially our failures. Or, we can choose to take responsibility for ourselves and
for what happens to us, especially our successes.

Living the authentic life

A truly happy existence involves longing to live a more authentic life, appearing to others as you
really are. Your outward expression becomes a mirror of your inner impression of your true values
and beliefs. The more authentically you can live, the more peace you will experience.

Examine the choices you have made and make. Are they what YOU truly believe and not what
others believe? Do you feel you can be your true self with others, particularly those you love,
rather than having to wear a mask, live in denial, or have to behave in ways that will be
acceptable to others?

Do you accept yourself as you are or hide your real self from others? Do you tell the truth when
you need to, even if it causes conflict or tension? Are you settling for less than you know you
deserve in relationships? Are you afraid to ask for what you need and want from others?

These are soul searching questions that reveal the answers to what will make you truly happy.

All too often, we resist the call from our authentic self, clinging to what we have convinced
ourselves are our more comfortable, familiar roles. However comfortable and limited these roles
might be, we are frightened that change will cause us to experience loss of something. By
clinging to these roles, by resisting the change our authentic self yearns for, we become
attached to the time and energy we have made in choices that once served us, but perhaps
no longer do. We may have already given up so much of ourselves in commitment to
relationships that fail to stimulate or satisfy our needs, or in unfulfilling jobs or life choices that no
longer serve our best interests.

So what is this authentic self we keep talking of? The authentic self is the total of all your unique
talents, gifts, skills, qualities, interests, insight and wisdom. It is your strengths and values, your
weaknesses and insecurities. It is the you that existed before the pain of your parents relationship
impacted upon you, it is the you before you suffered the physical or emotional abuse from a
partner or former partner. It is actually very tiring suppressing your authentic self. In fact we
spend more energy suppressing and masking it than we would expressing and showing it.

Our immune system is affected much more by stresses created by suppression than we realise
and there is no greater stress than the suppression of the authentic self. This is your life energy we
are talking about here, which is being depleted and diverted every time you suppress the real
you. It is said that for every year you live with high stress, you shorten your life expectancy by
three years. If someone is draining your energy due to constant turmoil and conflict you lose
another eight years. If you do not have a proper outlet for your passion, it costs you another six
years. There are many other stressful factors that can affect our longevity; these are just a few of
the more commonly known examples.