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The experiences that have defined life as you know it

From the thousands of hours of life you may have amassed, your defining experiences, those
that moulded you into the person you are now, are derived from:

· Your decisive EVENTS
· Your important SELECTIONS

· Your dominant PEOPLE
These key areas have contributed positively and negatively to the construction of your
authentic self. Some will have positively influenced it, others will have caused you to wear
masks, engage in denials and otherwise obstruct your life of authentic happiness. So, the sooner
we dig deep and identify the roots of your tree of life, the sooner you will be able to start
working toward a life of fulfilment and joy.
You are today, a sum total of how you responded to all the experiences, thoughts and
influences that have occurred in your life up to this point. You are a reflected image of your
reaction to all the critical moments, crucial decisions and influence of others that life threw at
you down the years. Some of your reactions will have been positive and you will have learned
healthy lessons and grown as a human being. Other reactions will have been misguided,
perhaps influenced by your family, friends, peers or society.
The result is that, you are today, a mixture of the correct, positive and beneficial responses and
the incorrect, negative and detrimental responses to your influential events, selections and
people.

To conclude this session we have some exercises that are designed discover the important,
significant and influential events, selections and people that have contributed to the person you
see in the mirror. You may find it useful to have a notepad and pen available. Remember to
keep the notes you make private. They are your memories and yours alone and should be
intended FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.
Think of this process like this:

You have in front of you, two jigsaw puzzles. One puzzle, when completed, depicts a picture of
you, living your ideal, happiest, authentic life. The other depicts you living an unhappy life,
wearing masks and lost in a fog of denial. Someone has very kindly mixed the pieces of both
puzzles together in one box! You only want to complete one jigsaw, the right one, the one that
forms a picture of you in your happiest, most authentic state.

Your challenge, as you trawl your memory banks for this exercise, is to identify and separate the
useful pieces (events, selections and people) from the pieces that no longer serve you to your
best advantage.

To get as much benefit as possible from the exercise, once you have read through the
guidance paragraph first then write down as many detailed memories as you can recall. Recall
facts, events, circumstances, experiences, emotions and reactions as clearly as you can. Be
prepared to answer questions like “What emotions did this provoke?” and “How did this change
your emotional state?” and “Did you feel love – hate – insecurity - fear?” and “How did this
cause you to alter your behaviour for similar future experiences?”