Page 304 - The Truth Landscape Format 2020 1st Draft 19_01_2020

Stage 3: Power Struggle

Infatuation and romantic love eventually subside and healthy relationships go through a period of power struggles as each partner tries to shape the other into
the ideal mate. Many couples argue and fight their way through this. Some will avoid sensitive areas of conflict. If neither of you is ready to risk
confrontation, your lives are likely to become more and more separate and devoid of intimacy and sharing. Even though you avoid open conflict, by agreeing
at some level not to argue and fight, the tension and pain remain.

Some couples use guilt, blame and justification to try to control each other in an effort to recapture feelings from the earlier stages of the relationship. Both
long for that period of infatuation when being together was fresh and exciting. Remember that it’s normal to pass through romantic love and to experience
conflict. It is simply the relationship growing. Confrontation is healthy. It builds understanding and helps your relationship mature. The challenge is to
discover what can be changed in the relationship and what must be accepted.

The sooner you bring up issues when you feel hurt, taken advantage of, irritated, misunderstood, or ignored, the better for the relationship. Suppressing them
keeps you a victim and only leads to hostility and feelings of separateness.

When you and your partner have been together for say, two to three years, some of the magic has worn off, and your partner begins to annoy you. Things
you hadn't noticed before begin to grate on your nerves. You love them, but you wonder where the romance went. You are aware that you're not always in
harmony with your partner and it disturbs you. You can only change yourself in a relationship. Put your focus where you have control: on yourself, your
behaviour, and your communication patterns. Changing your partner must never be the goal.

The costs of making a match with someone who shares traits with a parent, start coming into play. You may not have had some of your basic needs met in
childhood, so you try to fix it now. However, your partner is not a willing team-mate. In fact, you chose him or her, in part, because he or she recreated
the same difficulties you had in childhood.

Stage 4: Unconditional Acceptance

A healthy relationship moves beyond power struggles and control issues to unconditional love and acceptance. However, during the transition, partners must
still confront and resolve issues, taking risks to make positive change wherever possible and accepting those conditions that cannot be changed. Differences
are approached positively, not as things to brush over, hide or suppress.

Whenever two people get together, eventually some of the belief systems and personal habits of one will annoy the other, regardless of how much love there
is. In healthy relationships couples learn how to resolve conflict.

At this stage, each person becomes highly aware of various traits in the other. Some you like and others you dislike, but you learn to accept the ones that Page304
cannot be changed. With good communication, you can almost always navigate your way to a more fulfilling relationship.