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IS THIS LOVE? LOVE VERSUS “IN LOVE”

There is a massive difference between loving someone, and being in love. If you love someone, you’re still in control of your
emotions – you choose how you’ll allow yourself to feel and react about that person. If you have fallen in love, however, you
are no longer calling the shots. You become hopelessly dependent upon (and at the mercy of) whomever you’ve fallen for.

It’ is common for patients to fall in love with their psychotherapists. Why? Because there is a very real tendency for people to
fall in love with those who satisfy our emotional needs of compassionate understanding.

Do you know when you're in love? Can it be a romance of a lifetime? Do you believe that the person you're destined to be
with is the one you're with now? Do you find all the things in life evolves around love?

Have you ever bragged to your friends, "I'll never go crazy over a girl (or bloke)”. “I'm never going to act like a lovesick
twit!" Your friends will smile to themselves. "That's what you think" they mutter. "Just you wait. Some day your time will
come!" And sure enough, it does. Sooner or later that person finds themselves foggy daze - ignoring friends, neglecting school or work, and bumping into
furniture.

WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED LOVE?

Real love exists when your strong tender feelings for the other are balanced by reason and deep respect. You care just as much for the other person's welfare
and fulfilment as you do for your own. Judgements about the person are quite objective and rational. The two of you have many values and ideas in
common. You share similar goals and ideals. In short, you are matched as well as mated. All these factors will be able to support and sustain a happy
relationship over a long period of time. To the extent they can, it is real love.

Don’t assume that because you're more grown-up in your emotional life than most other people, you're protected from romance. The real test of emotional
maturity then is not whether you "fall in love" (become infatuated). That happens to almost all of us. The true test of maturity is rather what you do about
it. Do you react rationally to this romantic condition? Or do you rush rashly into some foolish, perhaps permanent, commitment before the relationship proves
to be sound. EXPECT ROMANCE AND BE PREPARED. Romantic experience catches up with all of us, young or old, rich or poor, mature or immature. And
with it comes perplexity and uncertainty. If romance hasn't reached you yet, be patient. Your time is coming! And if it has already come to you, it will likely
come again, and yet again. The issue, then, is how can you act wisely once you are, "wounded by one of cupids arrows." You need something better than a
soft-eyed grin and the old "never mind, dear; when it hits you you'll know it" routine. When you ask an honest question, you deserve an honest answer.
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