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Honesty can be scary but it's necessary if you want a close intimate relationship.”
Compatibility before Commitment
Many of the problems in relationships, stem from the fact that we make premature commitments before fully satisfying ourselves that we are truly
compatible with our prospective partner. Sadly many relationships flounder because we enter into them blindly, often for the wrong reasons when we
are honest with ourselves. We end up hoping that compatibility will just happen, only to discover some way into the relationship, that there are
compatibility issues that will ultimately drive us apart.
One of the most common questions we ask ourselves as a relationship is forming, is “are you the one for me?” As months pass, having invested time, emotional
support, love and effort into the relationship, we compensate and tolerate for fear of letting go of a relationship that simply isn’t destined to go the distance. We
hang on in there in relationships that we know will eventually have to face the realities of just how incompatible we are. Many couples are fortunate, and discover
almost by luck that they have a level of compatibility that will sustain them over the long term.
Unfortunately, as the divorce rate indicates, many discover that when they eventually face the truth of their incompatibility, that the relationship either isn’t
working or the couple are simply papering over the cracks. We wish our partner could magically become the person we want him to be, but he can’t.
It is only right that we should do everything in our power to salvage an ailing relationship. However, we may reach a point where we feel we cannot, should not
or do not want to continue with a partner, and it is at this point we have to decide to stay or go.
If and when we realise that we are not sufficiently compatible with a partner, in key areas, love alone will not be enough to overcome the inevitable problems.
Only when we find a new, truly compatible relationship will we realise we were right to leave the incompatible one behind.
We often come together at a time and due to circumstances, (on the rebound from a failed relationship), when because the new partner possesses qualities missing
in the last partner, everything seems perfect. We rarely possess the clarity of thought after a failed relationship, to make the true evaluations of our new partner
worthwhile.
It is often the case that we come together with a partner for a certain length of time in order to teach each other lessons and learn from one another, and when we
have learned all there is to learn from that partner, it may be that we need to move on. You and your partner may have grown tremendously in your years together,
and given each other great emotional gifts. However, when your goals, rate and style of growth become too different, it may no longer be healthy or emotionally
as fulfilling for your personal growth for you to stay together.
The hardest part of all this is that your love for your partner may not have changed, and that makes it even more difficult to leave. Each new path will bring you
greater happiness, wisdom, growth and love that you will not have known before. Page404