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What matters most

It is important to remember that your values are the emotional states that are most important to
experience or to avoid, depending on whether the beliefs that supports them are positive or
negative. They are the feelings you want to experience or avoid, move toward or move away
from. They are the end result of your belief process. Positive, uplifting beliefs will generate equally
positive and uplifting values that will form the basis of your decision making. Clarification and
identification of your core values, what you value most and what you truly want most out of life
will help you make decisions more effectively and rapidly and bring about the happier, more
positive results you are looking for.

Where do our values come from?

The multiple governing values we all possess have their origins in many sources and life
experiences. Most of us for example respect the sanctity of human life. Keeping ourselves alive
is a foundation of our existence and there are those who place a greater value on the lives of
others than they do of their own, evidenced by the mothers love of her children.
Many of the moral laws that have evolved in different societies have bestowed their share of
governing values in our lives. Many of these draw their source from a respect for life, honesty,
property, integrity and other elements of the moral fabric that society is weaved from.

Values are linked to our identity and beliefs and often they are developed at an unconscious
level. Unconscious values often come from our families, our teachers and our peer groups and
are strengthened and developed as we ourselves develop and grow.

A core value is one that is relevant to all aspects of the individuals’ life. When a core value is
dishonoured, this can generate stress. Other values emanate from the roles we occupy in our
lives. Friendship for example requires respect, trust and empathy. Leadership includes values
such as integrity, wisdom and vision.

Our childhood brought many of our values, often in the form of emotional programming. It
comes from our exposure to and awareness of parents, siblings and others, all of whom
influenced our lives with their own values and beliefs. Some of these contributors brought
excellent lifetime values to our lives, others, may have brought negative influence in the area of
our values that have impact for as long as we continue to rely on them for our decisions and
behaviour.

The most important person in all of this is you. Whilst we may be grateful or ungrateful for the
influence others may have had imposing or implanting their values upon us, the ultimate
responsibility rests with you to determine which of the values that form your foundation are really
valuable to you and which are not.
There follows a detailed exercise to determine your core values. Before starting, reflect back on
previous sections, at those key times in your life when you hade choices and decisions and were
influenced by the conduct, actions or behaviour of others. How much of your life today has
been formed by their influence and how much is truly your own. Identifying your own true core
values is so important in moving forward with your life as the authentic you.

It is time to be ruthless about the values that are not yours, or no longer serve you. By the same
token, it is time to be appreciative of the values that are truly important to you and will continue
to serve you well on your journey.