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an is allowed to tell her daughter about her problems and need not
warn her to disbelieve what she says since her intention is to allay
her concern, and all the more so since in the physicians’ opinion this
will cure her ailments. As is written in the Chafetz Chaim (Hilchos
Lashon Hara 10,14, note), “If his intention [i.e. of the party who was
wronged] is to dispel his anxiety and this is why he wants to tell his
friend about the injustice that ploni did to him he can possibly be
regarded as speaking lashon hara for a beneficial purpose, which is
permitted, though he should be careful not to disregard any of the
conditions listed in this paragraph” Among these conditions are that
he doesn’t exaggerate the injustice he suffered, and that the perpetra-
tor does not end up paying for his injustice more than what halachah
dictates. For example, the mother is allowed to tell the daughter about
certain people who offended her and who treated her badly on con-
dition that she doesn’t exaggerate and on condition that the daughter
takes no action against them on the basis of her mother’s report. A
mother telling her daughter that certain people acted wrongly toward
her may therefore pour out her heart without concern because her
relating lashon hara is for a beneficial purpose.

The daughter however should be told that although it is a mitzvah
for her to listen to her mother’s woes and to try to encourage and
calm her, it is forbidden for her to believe her mother. This means that
while she should not show her mother that she doubts the truth of
the actual story, she should search within herself for some meritori-
ous interpretation of the perpetrators’ actions and not conclude that
they are evil people. This is explained in Chafetz Chaim (ibid. 6, Be’er
Mayim Chaim1) as follows: “If there is some way to judge him [i.e.
the perpetrator] favorably e.g. we can say that he did not know that
what he did was forbidden or that he didn’t intend his words to be
understood in the way that the person telling the story attributes to
him etc. the listener need not doubt the report and think it is untrue.
Rather, the listener should not be certain that the person who is said
to have acted wrongly is in fact unworthy.”

Let us mention some examples of how the daughter can show her
mother that she believes her story, while judging the people involved

174 1 Medical-Halachic Responsa of Rav Zilberstein