Page 23 - The Freckled Eye - Book

Mom asked if I was ok. I responded by saying that I just couldn’t believe this
was happening and how thankful I was she was with me. Of course, I cried
more. I was depending on my mom’s strength to see me through this, as I'd
always done in the past. I trusted my mom with all my heart and I knew I
could count on her today.

My mom’s attitude has always been to deal with things when they
happen. Make your best choice and move forward, which has rubbed off on
me. Thank goodness. It’s exactly the type of thinking I needed and I was
glad the matriarch was there with me to guide me through this. I can't imagine
not having her here with me for this.

Mom had some lunch, I couldn't eat. I knew this was hitting me hard, because
I can always eat. We moved through lunch, quietly chatting and at times just
sitting quietly.

It was almost one, so we walked back over and waited in the waiting room for
the next step in this journey. In a way, I was glad things were moving along
and that I didn’t have a lot of time to think about everything.

As I walked back to the hospital with mom, I felt myself in a different
place. Everything was moving around me, but nothing seemed real. I was in
my own world, my own space, trying to process what was about to happen.

I began thinking about everything that had gone on that day. I remember I had
originally come to see Dr. Phan for a third opinion on my eye. Two doctors before her
thought the mole hadn't grown, so I was in shock that it had. Then to find out the mole
was most likely cancerous, and then to learn had this happened 10 years ago they'd
have extracted the eye, then to be told I'd need to do a hot laser treatment where I'd
lose partial and potentially all my vision in my eye was a lot to handle.

To lose your vision is a scary thought, especially to have to make that decision when
you hadn't seen the possibility coming. This was going to change my life forever.

It was time. Dr. Phan came to get me. I asked her if it would be ok if my
mom could be in the room with me, for support. She said that would be
fine. I had held off purposefully, up until the moment she was going to begin,
what to expect.

For me, when I’m faced with situations like this (surgery’s’ etc.) I only ask what I need to
know, when I need to know it. I’ve found that knowing to much information wasn’t good