Page 36 - The Bridge Vol 17_pgs

The Bridge

“I wanted to discuss with you the complications ask, that I didn’t say anything, but I didn’t want
that your condition may cause with conception to stray from the status quo—I just wanted to do
in the future,” she began. “It looks like both your whatever seemed normal.
uteruses are less than 40% of the size of a normal I told Mike about the surgery two days before the
one. Sometimes one is significantly larger—we were scheduled date, randomly blurting it out while in line
hoping in your case, that one day, when the time at a McDonald’s drive-thru. I had spent the last week
was right, a doctor could artificially inseminate that critically overthinking how to tell him, wondering if
particular uterus to ensure that you could carry a it was possible to hide it and go through recovery
baby to full term. However, with the size of yours, without ever hinting something was going on.
it seems unlikely that you could have a full-term “Wait,” Mike hit the brakes of his car after inching
pregnancy. There is still a chance that you could forward in line. “Why are you getting surgery?”
have a planned cesarean section before the 37-week A deep sigh released from my lungs. This is it,
mark, but that could increase complications for no takebacks, you have to tell him, I thought. The
both you and your baby. There are more accurate moment of silence felt endless, but was abruptly
tests that can be done before you’re at the point broken by another sigh as I finally mustered up
where you’ll start trying, but don’t worry, you can enough confidence to explain what was going on,
cross that bridge when you get there.” making sure to tiptoe over all the “gross” parts—I
On the car ride home, my mom asked me how didn’t want him to think I was weird, that something
I was feeling about the surgery. She didn’t address was wrong with me, that I wasn’t normal. Mike
the high chance of infertility (she knew I had long reacted far better than I ever imagined. So much
insisted I did not want to have kids). What she better I cried over how relieved I was that he still
didn’t know was that I was starting to change my wanted to date me. After the surgery, he came over
mind, that like many teenage girls, I had begun to to take care of me while I rested in bed, complaining
think of baby names and facetiously kept a list of about the pain, which felt so much worse than any
them on my phone. The news that I likely wouldn’t pain I had ever felt before. I joked about how I
be able to have kids, let alone a safe pregnancy, should’ve just dealt with the septum because the
hit me like a ton of bricks. After getting home, I pain was too much. Mike told me I needed to take
got in my own car and drove the route I typically another painkiller and go to sleep. I was crabby, but
took when I needed time to think; I cried and I’d take that pain over what I had dealt with for the
cried until there was nothing left to cry. I held so last six years any day.
much resentment for Dr. Klipstein, hated that she The physical healing was quick. I was able to
didn’t even offer to run some of those tests, that I get back into the water and start training for my
would have to continue to live with the ominous first collegiate swim season, which started three
cloud of uncertainty until I actually wanted a child. weeks later. Now, my periods are significantly more
It seemed mad that the best option was to let a tolerable, and I save a lot of money not needing to
young girl wait to fall in love, get married, and get buy so many tampons, but the emotional effects are
excited about possibly starting a family, only to rip still apparent. Going to the gynecologist after my
that dream out from under her at the peak of her surgery was rough—whichever nurse escorted me
excitement. It seemed more rational to have run the into the exam room would ask the same question
tests, and if they determined that I couldn’t have a while going through my chart, “What is uterine
child, to let me come to terms with that at eighteen didelphys?” Understanding that it’s very rare and
and not get my hopes up. I was mad that I didn’t they are professionals just trying to learn more

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