Page 37 - The Bridge Vol 17_pgs

VOLume 17

about their patient, I would try my best to explain, I often catch myself wondering, why me? Why,
but again, it was tiring and embarrassing feeling like out of so many women in this world, do I have a
a zoo animal. Sometimes they’d see my surgery on rare condition that is widely not understood? I force
the chart and say it was strange that the nurse before myself to remember that it is because I’m strong
them had included a deviated septum surgery in enough to handle it. With all the complications I’ve
my gynecology history and begin to delete it—it’s experienced, both physically and emotionally as a
extremely uncomfortable having to stop them and result of uterine didelphys, I have managed to adapt,
explain that the surgery wasn’t on my nose. and I will continue to do so with whatever challenges
I get extremely self-conscious being intimate. it may throw at me. I’m no longer afraid to be open
During each encounter, I catch myself overanalyzing about my condition. It’s time we break taboos about
and wondering if my partner can tell something female bodies. It starts with women taking a stand
is different. I avoid foreplay as much as possible against societal norms, speaking up, and being open
because I hate being fingered, terrified that he about the things that can be uncomfortable. By doing
can feel my scars. Last year, my hormones went so, we pave the way for future women to live more
haywire and a birth control pill that worked for me comfortably in their skin—to accept that there’s no
for years stopped working—I had breakthrough such thing as normal.
bleeding for two weeks out of the month, on top
of my normal period, for four months straight. Dr.
Keith suggested that the hormone influx was due
to the abnormalities of my reproductive system.
Almost every day was stress-inducing, trying to
avoid putting myself in a position where my partner
would want to be intimate. I refused to explain to
him what was going on, scared he’d step away the
second he found out I wasn’t normal, but I also
didn’t want him to think I was pushing him away or
that I was no longer interested. It was like walking
on a tightrope. The possible inability to have a safe
and successful pregnancy still lingers over me, its
dark cloud releasing a storm of emotions whenever
I’m around young kids. The surgery may have
corrected one abnormality, but the others and their
effects will follow me throughout my life.

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