Page 80 - The Bridge Vol 17_pgs

The Bridge

eulogy to

my non-dead mother

Johannah Cronin
Dear Mother,
Since your death, I’ve been hoping.
Hoping greatly that you’ll return to the way you used to be.
I know all I can hope for is a rebirth.
I also know that being reborn will change you.
I often think of the small memories we shared.
I remember you pushing me on swings,
wind flowing through my hair,
laughter coming out of my mouth.
I wish I knew what I had that day.
I wish I loved you more than I did.
I wish I hugged you a little harder,
so you knew that I loved you,
so you wouldn’t disappear from my life.
You killed the woman you were.
You ended your life.
And not a day goes by when I don’t think twice.
Think that I should have,
that I could have,
changed the outcome.
Instead I sit alone sometimes,
opening the box of your things.
Sometimes I imagine the smell of you still remains.
I try and inhale all that you were.
I try to create the love you gave me.
I remember the words you told me.
I remember the hard days,
when you would come home with alcohol on your breath.
I remember the fun days,
when we would walk on the beach looking for shells.
And I remember all the days between.
I can only wish that wherever you are,
wherever you go,
that you are happy. PLYMOUTH
That you have finally found hope.
Leah Lewandowski

oil on canvas
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