Page 84 - The Bridge Vol 17_pgs

The Bridge

Fat girl (cont.)

You see
i know i am not overweight,
i know it is me making these things up in my head
But i believe it—
Believe the best parts of me are the ones that do not exist
Believe i am prettier when i am hungry
Believe that no one wants to sleep with the fat girl
Believe that all i am is a fat girl

And starving doesn’t help
Because it is two weeks post-breakup and i am still fat
So i take pills
i climb the stairs up and down and up and down and up and down like it is my job all day long

i
Don’t know what to do because all i feel like i am is the fat girl
Feel like i am too much body and too much woman
Feel like i might scare them away with my pubic hair and love handles
Feel like they might tell me they love me just to find out they are lying
Feel like i might be too vulnerable with the boy i do not know
With the boy that does not know me
With the boy that has no intention of knowing me
With the boy that might want to know me
Just to find out all i am is a fat girl

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