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PARENTING GENERAL INTEREST

Rabbi Elisha Aviner

Dealing With

Anxiety

-d created fear for a purpose – them alone – we should speak them stumble upon “excrement” – difficulties
to motivate a person to act to out to others. Sharing worries and and crises of many kinds – but he was
save himself. On the other hand, concerns with others brings relief and not afraid. He was willing to undergo all
Gunhealthy anxiety is dangerous: eases anxiety. Through discussion, one the pain and disgrace associated with
“Do not introduce anxiety into your heart, can organize and sift through thoughts Mashiach’s arrival.
as anxiety has killed mighty men” (Ben Sira and emotions, bringing logic back into
14:1). How can we help our children and stu- the equation. We were not asked whether we were
dents, and ourselves, overcome fears and afraid or not. G-d did not give us the
anxieties? 4. Bitachon. Belief in G-d is not a magic choice to be born in these times. If G-d
cure for anxiety. But it can help us sent us to live in a generation preceding
1. Hishtadlut. Fear is caused by a feeling overcome our fears. Rav Kook explains Mashiach’s arrival, there is no doubt we
of helplessness. Initiation and action that bitachon is not the belief everything have the necessary emotional strength
can help remove fear. It is mistaken will work out the way I want it to. It’s to deal with the difficulties and fears.
to believe that bitachon means pas- a belief in the Divine kindness with
siveness. On the contrary. We must do which G-d created the world and con- 6. Create a positive atmosphere. Chil-
hishtadlut. Put in the effort. As long as tinues to run it. It’s a belief that even if dren are especially sensitive. If they
the hishtadlut is logical, and does not ‘bad’ things happen, there’s a Master live in a tense atmosphere, they will
become excessive and hysterical, it does Plan behind it. become anxiety-prone. As parents, we
not contradict emunah. must ensure the home atmosphere is
5. Belief in ourselves. The times preced- calm, instilling confidence and peace
2. Rationality. Some fears stem from ing Mashiach will be wrought with spir- within the children. If the parents give
exaggerated imagination. The cure for itual and physical turmoil. There were a sense of hopelessness and despair or
this is the light of reason and logic. A Rabbis who feared living in the times lack of confidence in leaders and teach-
dry analysis of the facts can signifi- of Mashiach: “Let Mashiach come, but ers; if they constantly prophesize a dark
cantly decrease anxiety. The media after my death [as I fear the suffering future and belittle the security forces,
shows us harsh footage of disasters and that will precede his coming]” (Sanhe- if they display anger and frustration,
tragedies, and the viewer may get the drin 98b). Meaning, let the Mashiach
impression that these are the norm in come – but not in my lifetime. I’d rather they fail to help their children over-
come their fears.
a country. Light overcomes darkness, give up seeing him than have to suffer.
and understanding that what the media But Rav Yosef said the opposite: “Let the 7. Seek help. If you feel you or your child
portrays is only a small fraction of real- Mashiach come, and I will be privileged are suffering from serious anxiety, seek
ity can help us overcome our fears. to sit in the shadow of his donkey’s professional help.
ְ
3. Discussion. הָּנ ֶח ׁשַי ׁשי ִא ב ֶל ְב ה ָג ָא ּ ְד – Anx- excrement!” Rav Yosef announced that
iety in a person’s heart dejects him he was emotionally ready for the times Rabbi Elisha Aviner is the Head of Kollel
(Mishlei 12:25). Chazal bring two before Mashiach. He did not deceive at Yeshivat Birkat Moshe, and founded an
understandings of this verse: Either himself that everything would be organization to help parents with adoles-
“he shall remove it [yesichena] from his rosy; he knew very well that we would cent education.
mind,” or “He shall tell it [yesichena] to
others” (Sanhedrin 100b). When wor-
ries fill one’s heart and overcome us to
the point we cannot deal with them,
one should remove them from one’s
mind. For example, every time a fearful
thought enters our heads, we should
force ourselves to think of something
else or busy ourselves with an alterna-
tive activity. Creating distractions. But
when we feel worries are weighing us
down – or when we feel we are carrying

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