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GENERAL INTEREST

Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski

Learning To Like Yourself

ne of the obstacles in the many of us are unable to truly relax. a different perspective. The Talmud
path toward spirituality We entertain ourselves by reading, explains (Shabbat 89a) that the vari-
Ois the reluctance among watching television, chatting with ous Biblical commandments of behav-
many people to consciously reflect someone, listening to music, etc. But ior were given to us precisely because
upon themselves. The reason for to be entertained is to be diverted. we have a fundamentally animal body,
this became apparent to me when By focusing our attention on these subject to all the instincts and drives
I attended a health spa to treat my activities, we divert our attention of the animal world. Our distinction is
chronic low back pain. from everything, including ourselves. that we can become master over these
When all diversions are eliminated, impulses. In other words, the discov-
On the first day at the spa, I was we are left alone with ourselves,
placed in a whirlpool bath in a small forced into direct contact with our ery of animalistic traits within myself
cubicle. It was nothing less than par- was no reason to consider myself a
adise. I was at peace and there was own personalities and the personal- “bad” person.
ity flaws that trouble us. And this is
nothing to disturb that peace. After A little investigation with my patients
about five or six very enjoyable min- where the difficulty lies. confirmed my hypothesis: many
utes, I emerged from the whirlpool, I had been left totally alone, in abso- people are indeed incapable of toler-
telling the attendant how relaxing the lute communion with myself. When ating themselves because they harbor
experience had been. To my astonish- one is left alone in a room with some-
ment, he said, “You can’t get out yet, one one dislikes, it can be a very self-directed feelings of negativity.
sir. The treatment here requires you unpleasant experience, and one can Their discomfort with themselves
to stay in the pool for 25 minutes.” hardly wait to get away. What was may be so great that they employ a
variety of tactics, some of them quite
I returned to the tub, but not to an there about myself I didn’t like? Why drastic, to escape or deny their iden-
enjoyable experience. Every minute could I not tolerate being in my own tity as they perceive it.
lasted for a painful eternity and after presence?
five minutes I could no longer take it. I hypothesized that I must have some These people are actually fine, com-
On my second exodus, the attendant character traits I would prefer to petent and likable people. The prob-
informed me that unless I completed disown, but whose existence I could lem is, instead of seeing themselves as
the requisite 25 minutes, I could ignore as long as I was distracted they really are, they somehow develop
not continue to the next phase of by various external pre-occupa- a distorted image of themselves, and
treatment. it is this distorted image – which they
tions and stimuli. As I persisted in assume to be their real image – that
Later I reflected on what had been a my introspection, I found myself to becomes intolerable.
rude awakening. I had been certain be a jealous person, often trying to
that my distress had been due to the impress people. I had temptations and Spirituality relates to what is unique
relentless pressures of my practice: impulses I thought should be alien in humans and how they master their
a busy emergency room, receiving to a truly moral person. I reasoned animal-like instincts. This requires
cases around the clock, a 300-bed that if people ever discovered what a valid and accurate self-awareness
acute psychiatric hospital for which I emotions existed beneath this facade which may be distorted by negative
was responsible. Now I had been tem- I presented to the world, they would delusions about oneself. For spiritu-
porarily liberated from these over- probably reject me. And how could I ality to be pervasive, aspects of one’s
whelming pressures, yet I found more ever merit blessings from G-d if I was humanity must be viewed realistically
than five minutes of peace intolerable. indeed a base person? and appreciated.
Why?
Along this rather depressing course of Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski is a psychi-
We are adept at diversion, at amus- self-reflection, I came across a passage atrist and rabbi, and founder of the Gate-
ing ourselves one way or another, but in the Talmud that enabled me to gain way Rehabilitation Center in Pennsylvania.

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