Page 28 - HaMizrachi Sukkot 5784 North America

the same as Charedi. I emphasize this point with families even do to fundamentally change it. Going out of your way to show
before their Aliyah. When asked for advice, I help the family “how Israeli” you’ve become rarely works; when you talk in
clarify which issues and values are truly important to them and Hebrew in front of their friends – especially using slang – all you
how they want to raise their children. Then I try to guide them do is embarrass yourself (and them). Second, we have to learn
on which communities and schools will most closely align with to forgive ourselves and laugh about our mistakes. There are
their priorities. aspects of their experience which we do not fully understand and
that’s OK. Third, parents need to adjust their expectations – for
For families making Aliyah, there is a natural generational example, dress in Israel is more casual than we may be used to. At
gap, in which the parents are more Anglo while the kids are the same time, you are still the parent and if you see something
growing up Israeli. What can parents do to alleviate this gap? that truly diverges from your values you shouldn’t be afraid to
push back. All children – including olim – need parental guidance
Rabbi Fine: One of the biggest challenges is when children take and we cannot abdicate that responsibility.
very different paths than their parents, decisions they may not
have made had they stayed in the Diaspora. When I see a child
of friends who has decided not to remain religiously observant, As rabbinic leaders, you have guided countless individuals
I sometimes say to my wife that, while no-one can ever know, and families through their Aliyah. What is the most import-
I believe this child would have stayed religious had this family ant advice you can give people making Aliyah?
remained in the Diaspora. This sometimes happens because Rabbi Fine: Take advantage of the amazing learning and chessed
children in Israel see a different model of how to remain a seri- opportunities available to us here that are simply unavailable
ous and identified Jew without necessarily being observant. elsewhere. I don’t just mean traditional book learning, but any
This model doesn’t really exist outside of Israel. Children who opportunity which enriches us as Jews. Many of us have what
become more ensconced in Israeli life are exposed to Israelis we call “only in Israel” moments. Treasure those moments and
who are committed to Israel through their army service, the take one minute every day to reflect on what we are doing here
Land, Hebrew, and the rhythm of the Hebrew calendar – but are and why we came. Remember that we are not just living our own
not necessarily observant. We can’t prevent our children from private lives but also helping to build a Jewish nation that needs
seeing this model as a viable one. As with all parenting issues, we all of our talents and contributions. This keeps us even keeled
must create positive communication and do our best to behave and helps us weather the inevitable challenges that often come CHAG SAMEACH!
as positive role models in order to convey our values. We must
trust our children and believe in them. We also need to realize with living in Israel. !חמש גח
that they can be our teachers and that we have to learn from I also suggest that people planning to make Aliyah spend as much
them. I think we need to be realistic and realize that our kids time learning Hebrew as possible. Learning patience is also essen-
may not necessarily choose our path. tial when dealing with Israeli life, especially at the beginning.
Rabbi Bendavid: From my standpoint, the generational gap Rabbi Bendavid: Come to Israel to give, not to take. Israel is the
occurs because it is the parents, not the children, who choose greatest miracle of the last 2,000 years, but it is still a work-in-
to make Aliyah. Everyone has an Aliyah story of how and why progress and we need your help to make Israel the best it can
they came. Often, this desire to make Aliyah is animated by a be. Come to sacrifice, give of yourself, and to build the Jewish
very strong sense of the arc of Jewish history, the Shoah and nation. With this mindset, you will never be disappointed when
the miracle of Medinat Yisrael. Our children take these things for things don’t go exactly as expected.
granted. How could they not?! Israel is a fact for them. They don’t
know of any other reality. In the spirit of Parashat Ki Tavo and Rabbi Gottlieb: I am often contacted by rabbis and educators
Seder night, I strongly encourage parents to share their personal considering Aliyah. One issue I am sensitive to because it was
Aliyah stories and how they chose to become observant Jews. Our a struggle for me in my own Aliyah is finding “sipuk hanefesh,”
kids need to know the struggles we faced, the choices we made, fulfillment and emotional satisfaction, from your work. Much
and the values that inspired us to come here in the first place. attention is focused on the finances of Aliyah, but not enough
thought is given to the very different and often less prominent
Rabbanit Bendavid: It is critical to maintain a sense of humility role people will have in the community. How does someone who
and humor, which teaches our children how to adapt and cope was a successful congregational rabbi measure his self-worth
even in times of transition. We may not always be able to help if he no longer serves in that capacity? How does an educator
our kids with their homework, just like we may not always have who was an administrator or department head see herself if she
an answer to their philosophical questions.
now has to cobble together multiple part-time jobs in numerous
Rabbanit Gottlieb: Wow, this is a big one! First of all, we must seminaries? More important to the answers to these questions
accept that this is a reality and that there is not much we can is the need to think deeply about them before making Aliyah. ◼

WWW.NBN.ORG.IL • 1-866-4-ALIYAH • ALIYAH@NBN.ORG.IL

ALSO AVAILABLE ONLINE! WORKING IN PARTNERSHIP TO BUILD A STRONGER ISRAEL THROUGH ALIYAH

Your favorite articles are available to read and share online at mizrachi.org/hamizrachi

FACILITATE • CELEBRATE • ADVOCATE • EDUCATE
28 |