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The Red Well-Read Reader

Story 339

Nailed to the Rood

During Lent, the priest ate very little food,

and he kept in a con•tem•pla•tive mood.

Every day he went to church where he thought

about Jesus being jeered and booed, then nailed

to the rood. He thought of His great for•ti•tude,

and prayed for a life of rec•ti•tude.

Story 340

Poor Gertrude

Gertrude and her parents began to feud. Gertrude, thinking she

was so shrewd, left home wanting more latitude and took a job that was

somewhat lewd.

"Gertrude," said a friend, "you have a terrible at•ti•tude and your

dancing is awfully crude."

Gertrude responded, "You're plainly rude, a bit of a prude, and

simply jealous of my pul•chri•tude."

As it turned out, poor Gertrude wasn't a bit shrewd: she married a

no-good, do-nothing lewd jiving dude.

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