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The Red Well-Read Reader
Story 141
“Really! Mr. Byrne”
In the Swiss capital of Bern there is a pretty miss named Fern. She lives with her
dad, Mr. Byrne, who is nice but a bit stern. He says, “Fern, on the subject of
marriage, I care not how much you yearn. There are many worthless suitors whom
you must spurn.
“You don’t want one as flighty as an ern or a tern. You must find one who can
discern right from wrong, left from right, and up from down. “Ideally, he should
be well learned – perhaps a doctor or a young intern. He should be willing to churn
his mind to earn a buck, and to bank that buck to bring about a big return. In
other words, he must be willing to fill your fern and flower urn with oodles and
oodles of money to burn.
Story 142
The Twerp
In Antwerp there lives a boy named Erp whom everyone calls a
twerp. He throws stones at little birds whenever they chirp.
And during meals he will loudly slurp, then laugh and pardon
himself with an even louder burp.
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