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track it and she tried but didn't succeed and she pointed out it was sent in 2018 and it was at that point I realized I had the wrong receipt. Duh.
Yes, in my head I was accusing Fedex of stealing my taxes and cashing my cashier's check for $2,377 and now had to face the fact that I had the wrong receipt. Mumble mumble, I'm sorry, and I slunk out of the office. I can slink with the best of them.
I also went to the bank and had them trace the cashier's check to see if it had been cashed. The guy there was really nice and told me about some foreigner who just had to pay $6,000 in taxes, which was astonishing to him. We agreed that that foreigner had to be really rich. The bank guy couldn't get the information, so I went to the Indian place in the mall and had chicken tikka masala and garlic nan. The chicken tikka was tasty, but I was surprised to find you could make garlic nan that was tasteless. Must've been a secret recipe.
I went back to the bank and the guy said he'd have to call me later. He did, and the check had been cashed. Obviously by some thief, right? When I got back home I found the right receipt and I'd sent those taxes with DHL. Ahah! The dreaded DHL thief! Jintana called them and they searched and traced the package. It had been delivered to the Internal Revenue Department in Ogden, Utah.
That night we put 1,000 baht into Awee's phone, because I was going to call the IRS and the last time I did they announced there'd be an hour and a half wait to talk to someone. I was ready! I had games set up to play on the iPad, a comfortable chair, and the determination to sit through a long time on hold, listening to 300 announcements about how it is much easier to contact them online.
I called, and two minutes later I was talking to an IRS guy who was really nice. He asked about Thailand, apologized when he had me wait while he checked something, and didn't think the missing tax return was a big deal. He actually apologized to me because the check was cashed and the return misplaced. I didn't tell him about my illuminati DHL tax thief theory, because, hey, I'm not some sort of wacko.
He told me to just send in a copy of the return and not worry about it. It was a great relief.
The next day I got an e-mail from Katie, my accountant, and she too felt it was no big deal. The IRS letter had also included the amount of money that was in my 2018 account and, as she was a professional, she added up my estimated tax payments and the cashier's check and it came out perfectly. I didn't tell her about my flat-earth, Sasquatch, Russian vote rigging, DHL master thief theory.
Today I sent in the copy of the return.
I'm not going to jail. There won't be thousands of dollars worth of fines. I haven't told Jintana most of this, because she already thinks I'm bordering on senility and I don't want her to take away the car keys.