Page 243 - Bridget Jones's Diary - by Helen FIELDING

Afterwards I thought I'd better go home: what with Natasha watching my

every move as if she were a crocodile and I was getting a bit near to her eggs,
and me having given Mark Darcy my address and phone number and having
fixed to see him next Tuesday. On my way through the dancing room I saw
Mum, Una and Elaine Darcy chatting animatedly to Mark - couldn't help
imagining their faces if they knew what had just gone on. I suddenly had a vision
of next year's Turkey Curry Buffet with Brian Enderby hitching up the
waistband of his trousers going, 'Harumph. Nice to see the young people

enjoying themselves, isn't it?' and Mark Darcy and me forced to do tricks for the
assembled company, like rubbing noses or having sex in front of them, like a
pair of performing seals.

Tuesday 3 October

8st 12, alcohol units 3 (v.g.), cigarettes 21 (bad), number of times said word
'bastard' in last twenty-four hours 369 (approx.).

7:30 p.m. Complete panic stations. Mark Darcy is coming over to pick me up in
half an hour. Just got home from work with mad hair and unfortunate laundry
crisis outfit on. Help oh help. Was planning to wear white 501s but suddenly
occurs to me he may be the type who will take me to a posh scary restaurant. Oh
God, do not have anything posh to wear. Do you think he will expect me to put

bunny tail on? Not that I'm interested in him or anything.

7:50 p.m. Oh God oh God. Still have not washed hair. Will quickly get into