Page 276 - Bridget Jones's Diary - by Helen FIELDING

and I pray, without your mother's knowledge - have defrauded a large number of

people, including myself and some of our very closest friends, out of a great deal
of money. We don't know the scale of the fraud at the moment, but I'm afraid,
from what the police are saying, it's possible that your mother may have to go to
prison for a considerable period of time.'

'Oh my God. So that's why she's gone off to Portugal with my two hundred
quid.'

'She may well be further afield by now.'

I saw the future unfolding before me like a horrible nightmare: Richard Finch
dubbing me Good Afternoon!'s 'Suddenly Single's Jailbird's Daughter, and

forcing me to do a live interview down the line from the Holloway visitors' room
before being Suddenly Sacked on air.

'What did they do?'

'Apparently Julio, using your mother as - as it were - 'front man,' has relieved
Una and Geoffrey, Nigel and Elizabeth and Malcolm and Elaine' (oh my God,
Mark Darcy's parents) 'of quite considerable sums of money-many, many

thousands of pounds, as down payments on timeshare apartments.'

'Didn't you know?'

'No. Presumably because they were unable to overcome some slight vestigial
embarrassment about doing business with the greasy beperfumed wop who has
cuckolded one of their oldest friends they omitted to mention the whole business
to me.'

'So what happened?'

'The timeshare apartments never existed. Not a penny of your mother's and my
savings or pension fund remains. I also was unwise enough to leave the house in
her name, and she has remortgaged it. We are ruined, destitute and homeless,