Page 278 - Bridget Jones's Diary - by Helen FIELDING

Jude appeared with coffee. Mark decided the best thing would be if he got his

driver to take him and me up to Grafton Underwood and, for a fleeting second, I
experienced the totally novel sensation of being grateful to my mother.

It was all very dramatic when we got to Una and Geoffrey's, with Enderbys
and Alconburys all over the shop, everyone in tears and Mark Darcy striding

around making phone calls. Found myself feeling guilty, since part of self -
despite horror - was hugely enjoying the fact of normal business being
suspended, everything different from usual and everyone allowed to throw entire
glasses of sherry and salmon-paste sandwiches down their throats in manner of
Christmas. Was exactly the same feeling as when Granny turned schizophrenic

and took all her clothes off, ran off into Penny Husbands-Bosworth's orchard and
had to be rounded up by the police.

Wednesday 22 November

8st 10 (hurrah!), alcohol units 3, cigarettes 27 (completely understandable when
Mum is common criminal), calories 5671 (oh dear, seem to have regained
appetite), Instants 7 (unselfish act to try to win back everyone's money, though
maybe would not give them all of it, come to think of it), total winnings ,10, total

profit ,3 (got to start somewhere).

10 a.m. Back in flat, completely exhausted after no sleep. On top of everything
else, have to go to work and get told off for being late. Dad seemed to be
rallying a little when I left: alternating between moments of wild cheerfulness
that Julio proved to be a bounder so Mum might come back and start a new life

with him and deep depression that the new life in question will be one of prison-