Page 98 - Bridget Jones's Diary - by Helen FIELDING

'Bridget. Turn your television set to BBC 1.'

I switched channels and lurched in horror. It was trailer for the Anne and Nick
show and there, frozen in a video-effect diamond between Anne and Nick on the
sofa, was my mother, all bouffed and made-up, as if she were Katie Bloody
Boyle or someone.

'Nick,' said Anne pleasantly.

' . . . and we'll be introducing, our new Springtime Slot,' said Nick, "Suddenly
Single" - a dilemma being faced by a growing number of women. Anne.'

'And introducing spanking new presenter Pam Jones said Anne. "'Suddenly
Single" herself and making her 'TV debut.'

While Anne was speaking my mother unfroze within the diamond, which
started whooshing towards the front of the screen, obscuring Anne and Nick, and
revealing, as it did so, that my mother was thrusting a microphone under the
nose of a mousy-looking woman.

'Have you had suicidal thoughts?' boomed my mother.

'Yes,' said the mousy woman and burst into tears at which point the picture
froze, turned on its end and whizzed off into one comer to reveal Anne and Nick
on the sofa again looking sepulchral.

Dad was devastated. Mum hadn't even told him about the TV-presenting job.
It seems he is in denial and has convinced himself Mum is just having an end-of-
life crisis and that she already realizes she has made a mistake but is too
embarrassed to ask to come back.

Actually, I'm all for denial. You can convince yourself of any scenario you
choose and it keeps you as happy as a sandboy - as long as your ex-partner
doesn't pop up on your television screen forging a new career out of not being
married to you any more. I tried to pretend it didn't mean there was no hope, and