Page 100 - Bridget Jones's Diary - by Helen FIELDING

of wardrobe in quest for skirt. Go through drawers and search behind

bedroom chair. Go through ironing basket. Go through dirty linen basket.
Skirt has vanished. Have cigarette to cheer self up.

8.20 a.m. Dry skin brushing (anti-cellulite), bath and hairwash.

8.35 a.m. Begin selection of underwear. Laundry crisis means only available
pants are vast white cotton. Too unattractive to contemplate, even for work

(psychological damage). Go back to ironing basket. Find unsuitably small
black lacy pair - prickly but better than giant Mummy-pant horror.

8.45 a.m. Start on black opaque tights. Pair one seems to have Shrunk - crotch
is three inches above knees. Get second pair on and find hole on back of

leg. Throw away. Suddenly remember had Lycra miniskirt on when
returned home with Daniel last time. Go to living room. Triumphantly
locate skirt between cushions on sofa.

8.55 a.m. Return to tights. Pair three have hole only in toe. Put on. Hole
transforms into ladder which will protrude tellingly from shoe. Go to
ironing basket. Locate last pair of black opaque tights twisted into rope-
like object speckled with bits of tissue. Untangle and purge of tissue.

9.05 a.m. Have got tights on now. Add skirt. Begin ironing shirt.

9.10 a.m. Suddenly realize hair is drying in weird shape. Search for hairbrush.
Locate in handbag. Blow-dry hair. Will not go right. Spray with plant
spray and blow some more.

9.40 a.m. Return to ironing and discover stubborn stain on front of shirt. All

other possible shirts dirty. Panic about time. Try to wash out stain. Entire
shirt now soaking wet. Iron dry.

9.55 a.m. V. late now. In despair, have fag and read holiday brochure for
calming five minutes.