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INTERMEZZO #3

the internet, everyone knew all the jokes. fans than ever before! A business surviving the
Pretty quickly working from home was fodder winter months in a rural area is a challenge
for zoom calls mishaps, talking like a crazy per- in and of itself, doing so in a pandemic was
son to a potted plant because you now miss cause for alarm, having sailed through it with
the idea of co-workers, or most recently was no small part due to responsibly staying away
the appearance of Bearnie Sanders photo- from people, was completely mind boggling.
shopped into the most unlikely places; clearly It has been a strange year to say the least.
distraction from your ever enclosing walls was Day after day bleed into each other. It is only
a necessity. So, being the smartass that I am, now as I come to my one year anniversary that
I grabbed my phone and ‘went to work’. Our I see I am a full blown pandemoholic. During
social media boomed as Karen, my flowering this past year, I learned that people spray spit
potted plant who was a much better “co-wor- while speaking, gross. People don’t wash their
ker” than any human, came to life. Spoiler hands, gross. We are used to far too many
alert, she is a raging alcoholic, especially for people being crammed into a space and that
a plant. And soon a Wine Show followed (with in order to feel intimacy, you must be physical-
a little inspiration from Zach Galifianakis’ “Be- ly touching, neither are necessary and being
tween Two Ferns”) to give you “A Fern Between packed into a space like sardines is, well...gross.
Us: Emotional Sanitizer Wine Show” a weekly So I would like to suggest that you join me in
facebook live. identifying as a pandemoholic and that we
Karen, who is not a fern but is some other adapt and adopt pandemic rules as the NEW
kind of plant, allowed this nonsense to NORMAL. Let’s wear masks and stop giving
happen because I was spiralling and keeping each other non consensual germ showers.
me out of the wine until noon was a full time Let’s keep pre-ordering with curbside pickup
job. This should tell you how far I’d slipped so busy parents don’t have to fight tired kids
down on the crazy spectrum. Needless to say, in the store. Let’s limit the number of people
hosting a weekly, irreverent wine tasting show we have in a space to a respectable distance,
that also put my talented winemaker husband I for one love dining at a restaurant where the
and I on the spot to give relationship and even next table over isn’t privy to everything I say
sex advice sparked interest. Was this actual- (unless I’m still wearing a mask and then I have
ly a replacement option for all the in person to shout for my husband to hear me which
events I was running myself ragged with be- ironically means the kitchen staff can now
fore? Could this be a new and better way to hear our conversation as well). And let‘s keep
connect with people? Could this really keep us in mind the beauty that during this time we
relevant in the consumer’s mind? Can you say have stayed connected with our friends both
pandemoholic? near and far via our devices and strengthened
The world shut down for the foreseeable bonds, rekindled relationships that lapsed
future and things progressed quickly via the and nurtured self care (sometimes known as
internet. With most of us reaching out (meta- alcoholism). We have found new ways to navi-
phorically of course) to each other to connect gate this world and they aren’t all bad. Having
via zoom, and social media, the world seemed people from all over the world watch our silly
suddenly closer all while being isolated. little show, share a moment to laugh together
People that probably never would have tri- and raise a glass in cheers all from the comfort
ed our wines, watched our show and ordered. and safety of your home is not only something
People stayed clear of stores and relied on ship- I want to keep, but the basis for why the New
ping or pickup options, zoom happy hours Normal should start with the sentence „Hello,
took the place of bars, and soon we had more I am a pandemoholic”.
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