Page 44 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

are illuminated, how many of us have asked, “Why did we
get married? We don’t agree on anything.” Yet, at the
height of the in-loveness, we thought we agreed on
everything—at least everything that was important.

Rational, volitional love…is the kind of love to which the
sages have always called us.

Does that mean that having been tricked into marriage
by the illusion of being in love, we are now faced with two
options: (1) we are destined to a life of misery with our
spouse, or (2) we must jump ship and try again? Our
generation has opted for the latter, whereas an earlier
generation often chose the former. Before we automatically
conclude that we have made the better choice, perhaps we
should examine the data. Presently 40 percent of first
marriages in this country end in divorce. Sixty percent of
second marriages and 75 percent of third marriages end
the same way. Apparently the prospect of a happier
marriage the second and third time around is not
substantial.
Research seems to indicate that there is a third and
better alternative: We can recognize the in-love experience
for what it was—a temporary emotional high—and now
pursue “real love” with our spouse. That kind of love is
emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that