Page 167 - Some Dance to Remember

Some Dance to Remember 137

they’re starving. He forgot who he was, where he was in time and space.
He was in a stage of rising transcendence, the baggage of personality and
civilization joyously abandoned to the mystic state of saints.
He was free.
He was outside himself.
Beside himself.
One with them.
Grateful to them.
His body was quivering. They were untying him, bringing him down,
laying him flat on his face on the floor, standing him up to see their
whipwork, walking him to the bed, sitting in close fraternity with him,
stroking him. He was with them and they were brothers, men, all together.
Accepted and full of acceptance, he was in deep relaxed peace, sensu-
ally entranced and fully aware, when the most muscular of the three men
greased his fist with Crisco and, giving Ryan unutterable pleasure, worked
his way effortlessly into him, into the very guts of life. The man’s hand
touched his heart. Literally. Ryan flew high on the beatific fullness of the
ultimate act of male intimacy.
Ryan had found what he needed.
He could not deny that S&M, not the old clichés of sadism and mas-
ochism, but S&M sophisticated, redefined in his Maneuvers as “sensuality
and mutuality,” was one of a homomasculinist man’s greatest options. To
ride, like a primitive young brave, the way a boy called “Pony” becomes a
man called “Horse,” through sensual, esoteric, tribal rites of passage, that
make overbearing reason pale against the body’s intuitive resources, is to
rejoice in feeling one’s male body enter adult sensuality.
Coming down in the three men’s arms, Ryan remembered the home
team.
Kick would be proud of him, but Kick would never know. Some
things were better left unsaid. The bruises and cuts would heal and Kick
would ask no questions anymore than Ryan would question what business
it was that took Kick once a month to El Lay. Everyone has a secret life.
The night at the Barracks reminded Ryan that long before he had met
Kick, he had made himself ready, using anonymous sex to prepare his
head and his body, for the moment when the sexually correct man walked
through the door. Ryan was erotically ready to do anything anytime any-
where. He once wrote:

Sex and transcendent ecstasy with anonymous men is a
rehearsal for the main event with the main man of one’s central

©Jack Fritscher, Ph.D., All Rights Reserved
HOW TO LEGALLY QUOTE FROM THIS BOOK