Page 168 - Some Dance to Remember

138 Jack Fritscher

dreams. I feel a need to practice every nuance from kissing to
fisting to become sexually expert, so that the perfect man of my
fantasy, when he shows up, will find me ready, willing and able to
do whatever trip he prefers. I’ll never say no to him.
How sad to find, then lose, the love of your life, because you
can’t do whatever is his prime pleasure. If I ever find him, and I
will find him, I never want to have to say to him, no matter what
it is, “I’m not into that.”
Perversatility is the ultimate homomasculinist talent.

12

Solly Blue telephoned Ryan who clicked on his recording machine.
He could tell by Solly’s voice he was ’luded out and in the mood for one
of his monologs. Ryan had only to listen.
AUDIO CASSETTE #26. Saturday Night. September 4, 1977.

Tiger’s just one of my problems. My boys are ganging up on
me. The one thing they learn in the joint is that a homo is an easy
score. They’ve manipulated me, because I let them. I’ve violated
one of my own rules: Never fall in-love with a hustler. Always
remember that, Ry. Never fall in-love with a hustler. They’re all
so charming, but the charm is wearing off. They want money,
drugs, attention, beer, sex. I can’t cut them off cold the way you
can tell a reasonable friend no. Friends just go off and pout. When
I tell a kid who’s done hard time no, he takes it real personally.
He gets vicious.
Last night, Tiger’s buddy Ray who made that great video last
week, sat here drinking a couple quarts of beer because his parole
officer doesn’t see him for another two weeks. So he’s drinking
and smoking grass. He’ll quit three or four days before he has to
take his next urinalysis. Why am I in this business? I work twelve
hours a day seven days a week.
Have you ever noticed there are no old pornographers. Did
you ever notice that? I started out as a model when I was eighteen.
By twenty I was on the other side of the camera. By twenty-seven
I had this video business going. Now it’s got me going. I’ve been
institutionalized by my own business. My business was once my
pleasure. Sex with hustlers isn’t even pleasurable anymore. My
hand works better. And cheaper. If I’d go out and have sex with

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