Page 211 - Student: dazed And Confused

deserves to be different. For a start I did not write it to cater for the American audience
(Hollows and Jancovich, 1995, p200). I hope I have included just enough moments of

humour in Stormed so as to lighten the mood but not distract people from the horror of it.

All films, horror or not, are obliged to meet one requirement at every stage - keep the
audience wanting more.

WOODS - CONTINUOUS -EXT
The trail of blood tapers out beneath Shay. She stares right
ahead, turns right and presses through trees and dying plants.
Her trainers crunch the leaves.
(Maddocks, 2009, p38)

TUTPR NOTES -
STORMED - You have managed to create a world which is threatening and safe. The
atmosphere is full of menace, making us believe that horror and disaster lurk in waaait for

your characters. The scene where Crash is surrounded by broken glass in the middle of the
night is particularly powerful, and you manage to bring the effect into the ordinary world of
the hospital very effectively, when Lee stumbles down the gum encrusted steps.
Your characterisation is generally good, with nLee and Crash both well drawn. I had more of
a problem with Shay and Paul, who seemed to be more generic disturbed young people
than three dimensional human beings. I think there is room in your script for some more
depth of characterisation and the introduction of some back story which might help. I
understand that you need to get on with the action, but there is time in theparty scene for

more development which would make us care more for the people we are watching. The
same is true for the main protagonists - we need to get to know them and their family life in
more detail before we can get properly involved.
The story within a story - and Crash's announcement about killing his sister in the scene
with the art exhibition - make a good and tantalising opening and prepare us to watch and
see what has led these people to this point in their lives.
The most important thing you still haveto do however, is work on the way you let the reader
know what is going on. In the first instance, a script is always a document to be read. You
need to say clearly where each scene takes place and at what time and on what day. I
realise you have done this up to a point, but only in the most rudimentary way. As a script
reader I need to be able to read without any barriers between me and the story.

With your script I kept having to ask myself where i was, who i was watching and what the
time frame was. You absolutely must make the world of your film as transparent and clear
as it would be if we were seeing unfold in front of us.