Page 38 - Student: dazed And Confused

crushed underfoot by careless walkers.
Taking her hand out of the water and shaking it dry, she wondered how roles could
be so easily reversed. Why did she seem to understand problems better than most? One
day, she might know the answer to that, but not yet. Why didn't he realise that she had
forged a full and active life without him? She didn't need him in her life, but he thought she
did. She used to think that her life would never really be normal without him, until she had
discovered that she didn't really care any more. She supposed that it must be quite a blow
to the ego to find out that no-one needed, nor particularly wanted, you any more. She
could imagine how he had felt when she had told him that he would never be part of her
life, not quite sure whether it made her want to laugh or cry.

Her pain and anger temporarily melted away, and she was filled with an inescapable,
over-awing sadness. She didn't cry though, just kept watching the river racing past. "How
do you do it?" she whispered, forlornly, knowing that there would never be a reply. "Stay so
calm?" Why did she have to have this happen now? It was impossible to just forget all
those years she had cried in her sleep because he wasn't there. He just didn't see that the
girl would never be able to forgive him for leaving her. He could never make up for not
being around during those lonely years; he couldn't ever make that right.
Feeling the rage and hurt fill her up again, she gave way to all those angry thoughts
and questions she had been avoiding. Why had he left her in the first place, left her alone?

He must have known that she would eventually come to accept his absence, move on, learn
to live without him. He couldn't just expect to worm his way into her life, act like he had
been there all along, now that he had decided that he wanted to show himself. Surely he
wasn't that naive? There just wasn't room for him. Gleefully, knowing that it was wrong,
she wished that he would one day know how much pain she was feeling. Why should she
try to deal with the fact that he was here when he hadn't wanted to deal with her? Why
should she have to be the grown up here and try to accommodate him?
One hot, salty tear bubbled from the corner of one eye and began to slide down her
cheek. It landed, with a loud plop, in the river and was carried, indiscriminately, down-river,
creeping ever closer to the ocean. Shocked, the girl rose to her feet and squinted into the

distance, against the bright spring sun.

Let me guess what you're thinking. Pretty little blonde girl, maybe in her early
twenties. Lovesick because her man left her for another woman years ago, and has now
suddenly turned up on her doorstep saying he wants her back. But the girl has moved on,
maybe got herself a new boyfriend, built herself a new life which doesn't include him.
Sounds a likely story, but it's not the real story, not the story I want to tell. Matter of fact,

that would be a cinch to tell and resolve in comparison - that's the kind of thing you only
get on television.
No, this story is so far from that. The story starts with a young girl - nine years old.