Page 34 - Student: dazed And Confused

mythical and classic, but real and modern at the same time. This idea of a siren, like so
many other stories, is still relevant today and I felt like this was the story I had to tell.
I am thinking of following this story up, in the same speechless style, for my own
satisfaction, simply to see how far I can take the story before it reaches a natural end.

TUTOR NOTES -

PROCESS - You achieve what you set out to achieve. The story - as monologue - does

create some tension and there is a twist in the last line.
TECHNIQUE - Best sticking to conventional fonts - TNR, Ariel or similar. Double spacing
required. Otherwise laid out correctly.
SHAPED + CRAFTED - Siren Song - I feel that this essentially sentimental poem - though
making a relatively straight forward point in a lot of lines does work in that it draws the
reader into a mythical world that is then upset in the prose piece by the protagonist wearing
a g-string in a contemporary setting.
INDIVIDUALITY - Interestingly, you don't mention in your rationale that Siren is a Greek
myth - and her cry is more of an eternal grieving. The message in a bottle does work on this

level of course but I felt the writing needed an added layer of complexity in order to, say,
balance the desires of the seductress and the seduced. The seductress is handled very well
- but there's no real story unless we have some view of the other side - male?
OVERALL - A poem + prose 'scene' which meets your own objectives, and those of the
assignment, establishes mythical archetype - with a twist at the end.

Overall mark - 54