Page 51 - Student: dazed And Confused

ASSIGNMENT ONE - Creative piece

MASTERY OF CONVENTIONS AND TECHNIQUES - Page numbers required. Opening
paragraphs should not be indented. Otherwise conventions used well.

ACHIEVEMENT OF A SHAPED AND CRAFTED PIECE OF WRITING - the first three pages seem
overdone. You establish the hook, the romantic nature of the narrator well but the slow
pace risks losing the reader. Pages 3 - 6 are basically a justification of the narrative to
follow- an explanation of the narrators. You do though manage to hold some tension here.
Pages 7 - 10 - mood established - and an innocence that many readers will relate to:

schoolyard scenes, grass, sky and emotional distractions at home. The writing is consistent
with this and the mood builds up gradually - as does the reader's expectation. Some good
humour when Jess discusses her power to annoy with the remote control.

EVIDENCE OF INDIVIDUALITY, INVENTION AND EMPATHY - This novel extract surprised me.
From the opening few pages I was expecting more sentimentality - and to some extent the
story is sentimentally told - whether it is too sentimental will depend on the genre which
you haven't defined but there is something else at work - a simply told dark story of
childhood. I'm so glad you didn't resolve too much at the end of the extract. The mysteries

are what drive this piece forward. If you resolve one mystery then you have to create
another . In my opinion, sentiment works best when it sets up an expectation in the reader
- and then shatters that expectation with some revelation of humanity that they didn't see
coming. This is the strength of your piece. I think we do, therefore, empathise with Jess.

SYNOPSIS - you've focussed on narration - as you do in the piece - and shy away from
developing both story and plot. A synopsis would typically sketch characters and the
situation. Your job in writing the synopsis is to attract readership.

ASSIGNMENT TWO - writers notes -

DEMONSTRATION OF WRITING AS PROCESS - this does give some insight into your process
- and some anger it seems with the business of reflection - which is interesting. No-one is
going to argue with the motive of writing for yourself. However, in the business of writing
to a genre and within certain academic guidelines, I would argue that some process of
reflection is essential. All of the successful fiction writers I have come across are capable of
this sort of reflection. My guess is that it will improve your writing if you reflect more on
what works and what doesn't and develop a generally more critical approach to your work -
and the work of others. You notably say nothing about the process of receiving and giving

feedback. Your editing does, however, demonstrate analytical ability.

OVERALL MARK - 56