Page 86 - Student: dazed And Confused
P. 86
EVIDENCE OF INDIVIDUALITY, INVENTION AND EMPATHY - There is originality as well as
cliche, and the piece is entertaining. Characterisation is uncertain - dual protagonists with
no clear needs and wants, and an inciting incident that should be evident by the close of the
sequence but is still ambiguous.
OVERALL COMMENTS- More incident needed- more scenes and backstory about the
characters. Good diversion to keep the reader thinking he has assaulted her, but the true
impact should be clear to them - ie, that they're dead - by the end of the sequence.
Generally well-written and some nice observations but characters need to be brought to life
- no pun intended - for the reader.
MARK - 59
