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494 | A New Light                                  Chapter Nine:   | 483

 all of the uncleanness and filth that clings to them as a   life, a life of death, a life of being cut off from You? The
 result of my evil deeds. Restore them to me with calm,   only life is clinging to You. “You who cling to Hashem
 with quiet and with surety. Hashem my God, may I wake   your God are alive, all of you today” (Deuteronomy 4:4).
 up precisely at midnight to get up like a soldier on his   Help me cling to You absolutely. Have compassion on
 watch  and pray to You, Hashem  my God,  and learn   me and help me conquer this evil inclination. If You do
 Your Torah, because You are Hashem my God. Help me   not help me, it will vanquish me, as it has already done
 and strengthen me with the mitzvah of arising every night   to this day, in consequence of which I have slept away
 exactly at midnight. You Who hear the prayer of Your   my life and lost my life. You must help me, because it is
 nation of Israel with compassion, may this not cause me   Your entire will that I live and not die, that I cling to You
 to experience any headache, suffering or harm. Blessed is   throughout the day.
 the One Who hears prayer. “Awaken, my soul, awaken,
 lyre and harp, I will awake the dawn” (Psalms 57:9). “Moses   Master of the universe, help me always cling to You.
 taught us Torah, an inheritance for the congregation of   Help me so that I will not remove my mind from You
 Jacob” (Deuteronomy 33:4).  for even one minute, and as a result I will never be tired.
              Master of the universe, help me know that weariness is
 from the siddur Tehillat Hashem  not natural but a type of suffering. Give me the strength
              to do teshuvah for the suffering of weariness, because
 Many thanks for waking me up to engage in the service   there is no suffering without sin. And the sin that causes
 of holy sleep, and many thanks for everything. I thank   weariness is forgetting You, not clinging to You and not
 You for the past and I cry out to You for the future. You   clinging to faith. The essence of my sin that causes me
 are  the  King  Who  desires  life.  Please  rescue me  from   to be weary is my desire to sleep. There is no greater
 the worst evil inclination, which is the evil inclination for   and graver sin than that of wanting to sleep. Please help
 sleep. Give me true life. Help me stand firm in the war of   me thank You for my suffering from weariness. Help me
 life until I gain victory. I will not die but I will live. I will   do teshuvah and confess having forgotten You. Help me
 tell the deeds of God, and before You I will live a long   request Your forgiveness and express my regret and pray
 life: a life of peace, a life of goodness, a life of blessing,   that I will cling to You and experience complete faith.
 a life of income, a life of strengthening of bones, a life
 filled with the fear of heaven and the fear of sin, a life   Master of the universe, give me the power to overcome
 without shame and disgrace, a life of wealth and honor,   the evil inclination that wants to fill me with the desire to
 a life in which I will possess the love of Torah and fear of   sleep, arguing: “You are tired….” May I allow no entry
 heaven, a life in which Hashem will fulfill the requests of   to heresy, the thought that the solution to being tired
 my heart for the good. Amen. Selah.  is to sleep. That is called running away from suffering.
              Please help me know that if, heaven forbid, I fall prey
 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my   to craving for sleep as a solution to being tired, I will
 heart be pleasing before You, Hashem, my Rock and my   experience an evil sleep and wake up exhausted. Please
 Redeemer.    have compassion on me and give me the strength to battle
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