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• Maintain a straight face when your date enters into a serious dis- course concerning crystals. When, however, she tells you that she sleeps under a pyramid, call for the check.
• If your blind date is originally from Iowa and she tells you that she had never met a Jewish man until she hitched to New York and that she likes Jewish men because they are generous and always give her money, she’s probably not for you.
• This is true even if she traveled by train from New Jersey.
• If your date is an assistant buyer who brags, with a straight face and proudly, “I told my new supplier to go suck a lemon, suck a dozen lemons,” this does not bode well for a meaningful relationship.
• If your date tells you that her husband was found dead of a rifle wound in the gun store that they jointly owned in North Carolina, that the killer was never found, and that the police had for a long time considered her to be a person of interest but that there was no direct evidence linking her to the crime, try to restrain yourself from telling her to suck a lemon, suck a dozen lemons.
• Attending an all-classes high school reunion is probably the only way to get a cute sophomore cheerleader who knew you when you were the Mayor to date you. The facts that she has just had a very bad divorce, that she is extremely depressed and lonely, that her ex-hus- band was the lead singer in the Tokens (of “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” fame), and that she has obviously lived in a world entirely different from yours may have had more to do with it than your elected office.
• Do not assume that a woman who spends a great deal of time telling you, with a heavy Brooklyn accent, how “silicon” has changed her life and made her feel much better about herself is a computer guru. Moreover, do not agree to meet her parents.
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