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tŚĞŶ ƐƟůů ŝŶ ƐĐŚŽŽů͕ ŝƚ͛Ɛ ĞĂƐŝĞƌ ƚŽ ŵĂŬĞ ŽǀĞƌ ƟŵĞ͘ &ƌĞƋƵĞŶĐLJ ŐŽĞƐ ŚĂŶĚ ŝŶ ŚĂŶĚ
friends because you are forced into social ǁŝƚŚ ƉƌŽdžŝŵŝƚLJ͘ dŚĞ ůĞƐƐ ĚŝƐƚĂŶĐĞ ĂŶĚ
ƐŝƚƵĂƟŽŶƐ͘ Ɛ ĂŶ ĂĚƵůƚ͕ ŵĂŬŝŶŐ ĨƌŝĞŶĚƐ ĐĂŶ ƚŚĞ ŵŽƌĞ ĨƌĞƋƵĞŶƚ ƚŚĂƚ ƚŚŽƐĞ ŵĞĞƟŶŐƐ͕
be harder – especially because your life is ĐŚĂŶĐĞ ĞŶĐŽƵŶƚĞƌƐ͕ Žƌ ƋƵŝĐŬ ĐŽŶǀĞƌƐĂ-
ďƵƐLJ͘ dŚĂƚ ďĞŝŶŐ ƐĂŝĚ͕ ƚŚĞƌĞ ĂƌĞ ƐƚĞƉƐ LJŽƵ ƟŽŶƐ ĂƌĞ͕ ƚŚĞ ŵŽƌĞ ƐƚƌŽŶŐĞƌ ƚŚĞ ĨƌŝĞŶĚ-
ĐĂŶ ƚĂŬĞ ƚŽǁĂƌĚ ŵĂŬŝŶŐ ƚƌƵĞ ĨƌŝĞŶĚƐ ĞǀĞŶ ƐŚŝƉ͘
ůĂƚĞƌ ŝŶ ůŝĨĞ͘ dŚĂƚ͛Ɛ ǁŚĞƌĞ :ĂĐŬ ^ĐŚĂĨĞƌ͛Ɛ ͻ ƵƌĂƟŽŶ ŝƐ ƚŚĞ ůĞŶŐƚŚ ŽĨ ƟŵĞ LJŽƵ
&ƌŝĞŶĚƐŚŝƉ &ŽƌŵƵůĂ ĐŽŵĞƐ ŝŶ͘ ƐƉĞŶĚ ǁŝƚŚ ĂŶŽƚŚĞƌ ŝŶĚŝǀŝĚƵĂů ŽǀĞƌ ƟŵĞ͘
/Ĩ LJŽƵ ƐƉĞŶĚ ŵŽƌĞ ĞdžƚĞŶĚĞĚ ƟŵĞ ǁŝƚŚ
The Friendship Formula ƚŚĞ ƉĞƌƐŽŶ͕ LJŽƵƌ ƌĞůĂƟŽŶƐŚŝƉ ŚĂƐ ƚŚĞ ŽƉ-
Friendship = Proximity + Frequency + Du- ƉŽƌƚƵŶŝƚLJ ƚŽ ďůŽƐƐŽŵ ĂŶĚ ŐƌŽǁ͘
ƌĂƟŽŶ н /ŶƚĞŶƐŝƚLJ ͻ /ŶƚĞŶƐŝƚLJ is how strongly you are
ĂďůĞ ƚŽ ƐĂƟƐĨLJ ĂŶŽƚŚĞƌ ƉĞƌƐŽŶ͛Ɛ ƉƐLJĐŚŽ-
Let me explain what Schafer means by logical and/or physical needs through the
ĞĂĐŚ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ ĚŝīĞƌĞŶƚ ĨƌŝĞŶĚƐŚŝƉ ĨĂĐƚŽƌƐ͗ ƵƐĞ ŽĨ ǀĞƌďĂů Žƌ ŶŽŶǀĞƌďĂů ďĞŚĂǀŝŽƌƐ͘ /Ĩ
LJŽƵ ƌƵŶ ŝŶƚŽ ƚŚĞ ƐĂŵĞ ƉĞƌƐŽŶ ĞǀĞƌLJ ŽƚŚ-
ͻ Proximity is the distance between er day at your local market and spend
LJŽƵ ĂŶĚ ĂŶŽƚŚĞƌ ŝŶĚŝǀŝĚƵĂů͕ ĂŶĚ LJŽƵƌ Ğdž- an hour shopping together (proximity,
ƉŽƐƵƌĞ ƚŽ ƚŚĂƚ ŝŶĚŝǀŝĚƵĂů ŽǀĞƌ ƟŵĞ͘ dŚĞ ĨƌĞƋƵĞŶĐLJ͕ ĂŶĚ ĚƵƌĂƟŽŶͿ͕ ďƵƚ LJŽƵ ŶĞǀ-
more you see the person in a non-threat- Ğƌ ŚĂǀĞ ĂŶLJ ŵĞĂŶŝŶŐĨƵů ĐŽŶǀĞƌƐĂƟŽŶƐ͕
Bulletin
ĞŶŝŶŐ ĞŶǀŝƌŽŶŵĞŶƚ͕ ƚŚĞ ŵŽƌĞ ůŝŬĞůLJ ƚŚĂƚ your friendship will not necessarily de-
person will be to consider you a friend ǀĞůŽƉ͘ /ŶƚĞŶƐŝƚLJ ŝƐ ƚŚĞ ĮŶĂů ĞůĞŵĞŶƚ ŽĨ ƚŚĞ
ʹ Žƌ ŝŶ ĞƐƐĞŶĐĞ ʹ ƐƚĂƌƚ ůŝŬŝŶŐ LJŽƵ͘ /ƚ͛Ɛ ĂŶ ĨƌŝĞŶĚƐŚŝƉ ĨŽƌŵƵůĂ͘
ŝŶƚĞƌĞƐƟŶŐ ƉĂƌƚ ŽĨ ŚƵŵĂŶ ŶĂƚƵƌĞ͕ ďƵƚ ũƵƐƚ
ďĞŝŶŐ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ƉĞƌƐŽŶ Ă ůŽƚ ŝƐ ĐƌŝƟĐĂů ƚŽ ƚŚĞ dŚĞƌĞĨŽƌĞ͕ LJŽƵ ŶĞĞĚ ƉƌŽdžŝŵŝƚLJ͕ ĨƌĞƋƵĞŶ-
ĚĞǀĞůŽƉŵĞŶƚ ŽĨ Ă ƌĞůĂƟŽŶƐŚŝƉ͘ dŚĞƌĞ- ĐLJ͕ ĚƵƌĂƟŽŶ͕ ĂŶĚ ŝŶƚĞŶƐŝƚLJ ƚŽ ŵĂŬĞ Ă
fore, if there is someone you would really ĨƌŝĞŶĚƐŚŝƉ ǁŽƌŬ͘ /ŶĐŝĚĞŶƚĂůůLJ͕ ^ĐŚĂĨĞƌ
ůŝŬĞ ƚŽ ďĞĨƌŝĞŶĚ͕ ƐƉĞŶĚŝŶŐ ŵŽƌĞ ƟŵĞ ǁŝƚŚ also points out that you can also extri-
that person (at shul, at the gym, in the su- cate yourself from unwanted friendships
ƉĞƌŵĂƌŬĞƚ͕ Žƌ Ăƚ ǁŽƌŬͿ ŝƐ ƚŚĞ ĮƌƐƚ ƐƚĞƉ ƚŽ- by slowly decreasing the elements of the
ǁĂƌĚ ĐŽŵƉůĞƟŶŐ ƚŚĞ ĨƌŝĞŶĚƐŚŝƉ ĨŽƌŵƵůĂ͘ ĨƌŝĞŶĚƐŚŝƉ ĨŽƌŵƵůĂ͘ dŚŝƐ ǁĂLJ͕ ŝƚ ǁŝůů ŶŽƚ
ͻ Frequency is the number of con- feel like an extreme break, but will be a
ƚĂĐƚƐ LJŽƵ ŚĂǀĞ ǁŝƚŚ ĂŶŽƚŚĞƌ ŝŶĚŝǀŝĚƵĂů
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