Page 51 - Vision Manual

Mindful of distractions Appear confident Negotiate
Describe what’s going on
When being assertive, it’s important to start with the relevant facts. Start by clearly describing the situation; put words to what’s going on. Remember to stay brief with what you say, and try to stick to what’s important.
Express what you feel
Once you’ve taken the time to set the stage for the person, let them know how you feel about it. Make sure to use “I ...” statements such as “I feel frustrated” or “I feel happy” so that you are taking credit for your feelings and experiences. You can also use the ‘Express’ step to talk about feelings, opinions, beliefs, or anything else that might be relevant. Just make sure to stick to “I ...” statements.
Assert what you want
Be short, sweet and to the point. Say what you want. Ask directly and clearly for what you need. Say “no” firmly if you need to. The most important part about the “Assert” step is that you are direct, clear, and to the point. The more confusing, long, or complicated you are, the more likely you will be to lose the other person.
Reward the other person
Tell the other person what’s in it for them. The purpose of this isn’t to bribe them, but to let the other person know that they will be appreciated, or that you will repay the act. When setting limits, a reward can be the reassurance of a stronger relationship and more trust. Remember, don’t threaten or say anything that you aren’t willing to follow through on.
Mindful of distractions
When asking for things or saying no to others it can be easy to be distracted by ourselves, the other person, or the environment. Do things to control for this by practicing what you are going to say, picking a calm and quiet environment when you are able to, and resisting the urge to be distracted if the other person tries to divert you.
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