Page 2 - Edwards AFB Desert Wings 2-19-16

2 Desert Wings
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The devil inside: interrupted
by Anonymous
Ramstein AB,Germany
Military life can be challenging. Frequent
deployments and temporary duties, constant-
ly moving to different commands all around
the globe, never staying in one location or
with the same people for very long takes its
toll on the member and their family.
As long as I had my family, I knew I could
do it. No matter what life threw at me; no
matter how hard things got, I knew I would
always have that — or so I thought.
When I decided to join, I was newly mar-
ried to my girlfriend of six years and had a
¿YH\HDUROGVRQ,ZDVZRUNLQJWZRMREV of debt, all while I will be paying more than
and going to college full-time. I needed to
make a change, I was at the edge of what I
could handle; some nights only getting three
hours of sleep.
My wife and I wanted to start a family
and wanted more children. I needed to do
something worthwhile in order to support
us. The military was a family tradition and
seemed like the best option, and after dis-
cussing it with my wife; I enlisted in the
U.S. Air Force.
Over the years, my service has put a lot of
strain on our family, but it was what I had to I love the most. I apologized for taking the
do to serve my country and provide a good
life for my wife and three children — family
is my priority.
I always say that the best thing I ever did
with my life was becoming a dad. No mat-
ter how rough my day has been, hearing my
children yell “Daddy!” and come running to
me when I got home would always make it
a good day; so when I heard those four little
words, “I want a divorce,” I didn’t know
what to do — it shattered my life.
The life I had worked so hard to build
Commentary February 19, 2016
facebook.com/EdwardsDesertWings
had become meaningless in an instant. The supervisor, who took me to the Landstuhl three-part commentary depicting the story
woman that I loved had decided that she no Regional Medical center where I was evalu- of an Airman struggling with the return
longer loved me, and because of that, would ated and brought to the in-patient psychia- from deployment, divorce and attempted
leave with my children. try ward, also called “9 Charlie” by its resi- suicide. The name of the individual has been
dents. This would be my home for the next changed or removed to protect the identities
This meant that I would never live with two weeks. of those involved.
my children again. No more waking up my
daughter in the morning, no more wrestling I was scared.
with the boys, no more movie night snug- I didn’t know
gled up under one blanket together, only rare what was going
opportunities and visitation to actually be to happen to me
part of their lives. and didn’t think
things could get
The thought of being without my kids any worse. All I
and losing my wife was too much for me to could think about
handle. Making matters worse, my wife was was what my kids
DOVROHDYLQJPHZLWKDVLJQL¿FDQWDPRXQW were going to
think of me. How
half my base pay in child support. I saw no was this going
way out, so I decided to end my life. to affect my ca-
reer? How could
Unlike many suicides, there were no out- I support them if
ward signs, no cries for help. Even those I get kicked out
closest to me had no idea what I was plan- because of this?
ning to do. How could into
the eyes of my
On the day I promoted to technical ser- loved ones or the
geant, I looked out into the crowd and saw people I work
only strangers. What should have been one with ever again?
of the proudest moments of my life was
empty without my children. That night, I I was at the
sat in bed alone writing my notes to those lowest point in
my life. I didn’t
coward’s way out and explained to them all yet see the light
that I was sorry, but they would be better at the end of my
off without me, that a part of me was still in tunnel. Little did
Afghanistan and the part of me that returned I know, my sal-
was meaningless without my family. vation was just
around the corner.
The devil inside me had won the battle.
,QWKH¿QDOSDUW,EHJJHGP\VRRQWREHH[ Editor’s Note:
wife to not let the children into the bedroom This article is
because I would be dead inside by the time part two of a
she discovered the note.
Suddenly, I was interrupted and failed to
carry out my suicide. My wife called my
Commander’s
Action Line
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The Commander’s Action Line gives all Airmen, re-
tirees, families and community members a direct link to
Brig. Gen. Carl Schaefer, 412th Test Wing commander.
The Action Line can be used to express constructive
points of view on the policies and procedures of the
base; discuss safety and security issues; and address
problems, concerns, or suggestions after traditional
methods have been exhausted.
The Commander’s Action Line should not be the
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commanders.
Action Line queries may be submitted by sending an
e-mail to speak2cc@edwards.af.mil with Commander’s
Action Line as the subject heading or by calling (661)
277-7325. Action Line submissions must be written in
a courteous and professional tone, and must include a
name, an e-mail address or an alternative method of
contact. The requestor’s contact information will not be
published in compliance with Privacy Act restrictions.
Any messages received without contact information will
not be routed, so please be sure to provide some method
for communication.