Page 39 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper March/April 2018 Edition

Do We Really Create Our Own Reality? 39

Do We Really Create Our

Own Reality? The Myths

and Dangers of New Age

Belief

Continued from Page 38

Unless our feelings give us accurate
signals that truly protect and benefit us, we
should be careful not to make automatic
conclusions based on how we feel. Often our
feelings don’t truly protect us, but are
overreactions to evolutionarily programmed
stimuli. An example is our evolutionarily coded
ability, and proclivity, to detect snakes on the
ground, to which our visual centers, according to
psychologist Jordan Peterson, have become
genetically coded to pay extra attention.

Trauma is Real More significant heart-hurts allow us to discover the behest of abusive and unconscious others.
our own shadow and woundedness, the I have known several people who believe
opportunity to foster compassion instead of in creating their own reality that don’t take
Being verbally assaulted, physically injured, or
defensiveness and violence. These injuries affect responsibility for their cruel and unfair actions. I
emotionally abused take their toll and affect,
us in ways we might not even want to admit. once knew a couple that would not apologize for
often profoundly, even when we are adults and
Others are merely abusive insults we don’t need anything they did or said because they thought
fully conscious of the circumstances and design
and should seek to avoid. And, being able to that “everything happens for a reason.” One day
of the injury. And even when we choose how we
keenly and humbly admit what is ours and what in the midst of another unconscious incident, I
respond, which can help to mitigate some of the
is someone else’s is a constant learning process. said to them, “Well, what if the reason for this
damage and not pile self-induced suffering on
But to hold the belief that we are event is to feel empathy for another human
top of damage already done.
responsible for creating our own reality at every being and compassionately apologize, and
PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
turn is a form of self-harm, a recipe for toxic thereby create more healing and intimacy?”
is such an example. We develop fear and anxiety
shame and blame. Just as we can soothe another, Sometimes the reason is something simple,
from situations that once hurt us; this hurt and
we can injure another. We affect each other; we human, and vulnerable we don’t want to see
fear caused neural pathways to code for these
matter to one another. We are one — we need beneath our high-minded dogma.
responses in our brain and extended nervous
each other, and we matter to one another. And Perhaps, as I surmise, apologizing and
system. So that, when presented with a similar
we are alone, but never entirely so. Accepting admitting fault triggers the perpetrator to feel
future situation that reminds us of the same or
life’s inevitable suffering helps us accept these shame and to self-blame for what they did. And
similar danger, we will have a mechanism in
truths. If we are afraid of and deny life’s somehow this is not okay for them; in other
place to elicit fear so that we can better protect
suffering, we might be tempted to adopt black words, it’s not okay to make mistakes or be
ourselves. What happens, unfortunately, is that
and white beliefs that end up causing us more wrong. This in itself is a false belief and, along
the more primitive parts of our brain —
suffering — because they’re untrue, if we are with self-shame, we don’t forever have to feel
especially the midbrain and its emotional centers
honest about them. And this is why emotional the effects of this self-deprecation. This is a
— can overreact to threatening situations and
and intellectual honesty are so important. temporary reality that can change, ironically, by
our involuntary response is similarly excessive
relearning through mindful and cathartic self-
and out of control, causing us pain, a desire to
Violence in Disguise healing.
avoid triggering situations, and dysregulation of
False beliefs — and their attendant
our nervous system.
The gap between stimulus and response The flip side of believing that we entirely create cascade of neuroendocrine effects — are often
is our freedom to practice how we respond. And our own reality is that it might give us the left over from past experience, often from other
practice doesn’t make perfect; it makes progress. unconscious belief that it’s okay to treat others people’s defensiveness and imposing their own
In the end, we are affected by our environment poorly. After all, the (unconscious) logic defensive false beliefs and violent acts upon us.
in ways we can and can’t control. We are follows, what we do to others doesn’t matter This is how abuse and bad thinking are passed
affected by circumstances that are not our own because they are solely responsible for how they down generation to generation, generating core
choosing. Random things happen in life that we perceive and experience our actions — how they love wounds. Maybe our forebears were shamed
will may never understand. We can’t control create their own reality. We can’t really hurt for doing wrong once upon a time, or were never
everything, not even our own responses. Nor them because they are responsible and can apologized to. And now in order not to feel that
should we. And, again, we can only fail at things control how they respond, right? old wound, perhaps continue the violence, and
we have control over. Embracing the mystery of No. silently justify it, by taking on beliefs such as
beneficent and brutal experience, as well as the On this note, and parallel to the create “we create our own reality” and that “we are not
ordinary magic of self-control and self- your own reality meme, another New Age responsible for others’ feelings.”
regulation, we live in a constant, shape-shifting nonsense slogan is that “We aren’t responsible The truth is: not everything happens for
interplay in relation to our environment and for other people’s feelings.” Who believes this a reason that we can know, or know entirely. By
perception of our experiences. can justify any action, just as someone who adopting superficial, defense-in-disguise New
So, give yourself a break. Acknowledge believes we create our own realities, for the Age beliefs we may in fact only be
reality. Yes, we can minimize and even shrug off people whom they trigger (read: violate and unconsciously perpetuating the wound and its
some insults and suffer less by using our good hurt) are at fault for reacting the way they do … hurtful effects. This is how denying our old
minds. We can employ mindfulness, self-help because those that hurt create their own reality. wounds in the name of self-righteousness and
techniques, behavior modification, and other In other words, the insidious belief goes: people supposed virtue creates more shadow and more
healing tools. But many insults — most in fact only hurt because they react or respond violence. To some degree, we all adopt twisted
— we cannot entirely shrug off. Trauma is real incorrectly and irresponsibly. As if there were ideas and false beliefs to prevent from feeling
and gets under our skin and into us, to some always some way to respond that would prevent pain — the rub is the shade of grey and the
degree. And this creates an opportunity into us from feeling hurt by others’ cruelty. As degree of conscious, willful denial we engage
humanness, into the heart of being fully here. Michael Stipe of REM says, “Everybody hurts”, and perpetuate.
and many of us hurt in excess and needlessly at (Continued on Page 40)