Page 38 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper March/April 2018 Edition

38 Do We Really Create Our Own Reality?

Do We Really Create Our

Own Reality? The Myths

and Dangers of New Age

Belief

By Jack Adam Weber

Some believe that we are responsible for
creating our own reality, for regulating and
determining our experience. I think this is only
partially true, and if you look closely at your
own life, you might also notice the fallacies in
this New Age meme.
We unconsciously choose experiences
by way of the neural circuits laid down in our
brains from past learning (conditioning). This is
why we attract situations that allow us to
recreate old patterns — the circuitry from prior
learning experiences is already laid down in our healthy, compassionate, connected people do even our most subtle interactions with other
nervous system and we act on it. However, we you know that are not (strongly) affected by people help determine whether they treat their
also are capable of making choices that are not external circumstances and others’ actions? loved ones well, ignore them, or hurt them.”
conditioned responses, especially if we Narcissists and sociopaths are some of the only We are not in full control, and in many
recognize our habitual responses — habits that exceptions I can think of. Receiving cases not even largely so, over how we respond.
are comfortable, however unhealthy and information from, and being affected by, our Nor should we be. Neuroscience, for example,
limiting. environment is to be human and important to has shown that we react involuntarily to many
Making new, positive, pattern-breaking every level of our wellness. In a sense, to cut off threats because if we were able to pause and
choices often causes fear, even though these this feedback loop so that we can try to be in consciously evaluate our response (think lion
choices allow us to grow and live better lives. control (and usually happy) is to isolate leaping out of the bush to eat you), we would in
We fear what is unknown, what is foreign to us, ourselves and, in a sense, become sociopathic effect be able to choose to endanger our survival
even if it is healthier than what is known and because we are dumbing down challenging more than is evolutionarily advantageous.
unhealthy. It takes consciously recognizing this inputs that also make possible our vulnerability, The psychiatrist, author, and Nazi war
dynamic, or we are likely to remain comfortably compassion, and passion. camp hero and survivor Victor Frankl said:
numb or simply recoil in fear when presented When we boil it down, it seems that the “Between stimulus and response there is
with new, life-affirming choices. desire to “create our own reality” most often a space. In that space is our power to choose
If we believe that we create our own stems from our fear of feeling pain. Sure, we our response. In our response lies our growth
reality, when life inevitably falls apart, we can can minimize the negative experiences we have. and our freedom.”
then easily blame ourselves for “failing,” not But, have you considered that doing so is itself This recognition — that how we
being good enough, strong enough, or a form of pain, a passive pain perhaps, for all perceive and react or respond to situations,
whatever-enough, to have prevented these the juicy humanness and heartfelt psycho- especially tough ones, determines (part of?) our
downturns — because, the logic goes, we create spiritual qualities we don’t get when we experience — is wisdom. I notice that I can
our own reality. But what if we recognize that ostracize failure, falling apart, and mitigate some of the drama and trauma in my
we don’t always create our own reality, that we disappointment from our experience? life by regulating how I respond. And, while I
are only partially in control (and sometimes Most of us experience some level of am no one to contend with Dr. Frankl, I don’t
never), that bad things happen to us beyond our upset, or even breakdown, if someone we love think Dr. Frankl meant that we are unaffected by
control (just examine your life), and that events is hurt or dies, if we lose a job we need or like, our environments, or even that we can always
can affect us beyond our ability to cope? Well, if we lose our money, or are betrayed by internally regulate ourselves in a way that
then we wouldn’t have to blame ourselves for someone else. To think that we are responsible doesn’t cause us pain. Anxiety, fear,
all that goes wrong; we would also be more in for, and can avoid, our sorrow when we lose hopelessness, and sadness all happen. And, we
touch with reality, and make room and someone we love (there are so many beliefs to can catch ourselves when we overreact to these
allowance to be kinder to ourselves, and others. try to do just this, rather than feel the pain of it) feelings, assume false conclusions from them,
Finally, when we recognize that we can is to miss out on grief. And to avoid on grief is or act out in reaction to them and thereby
only fail at things we have control over, this to store pain in our body-mind, to preclude worsen our suffering. Ironically, embracing and
frees us up for more self-compassion and living deeply and authentically, and to miss out accepting these difficult feelings helps prevent
compassion for others. on the large-heartedness that comes from these pitfalls.
passing through challenging emotions. This To some degree, we can choose our
Shame and Blame does not mean that certain cognitive work — responses. This can better our lives. Often, we
such as remembering that everything is must respond counter-intuitively to how we
“The belief that our thoughts create our reality impermanent, that better times might be ahead, feel. The less we exercise our bodies, for
is as seductive as it is misleading. It would be and even that it’s okay to be sad — isn’t helpful. example, the lazier we can become and the less
nice if we had unlimited power to change things, It is, but not as a wholesale attempt to dismiss we feel like moving. If we were to just listen
but we don’t have total control over life. Other and avoid feeling pain. and obey how we feel — like not moving — the
people have free will and make decisions based It does mean that we affect one another. worse we will feel (though, of course, not
upon their own needs and predilections. We In his article, “Finding Purpose,” psychologist exercising is appropriate at times like during
delude ourselves if we think we can control Steven Stosny writes: illness). Moving, even though part of us would
others’ choices and all the environmental forces “Human beings are social animals, prefer not to, usually is what we need to do to
that inevitably affect us.” ~ John Amodeo, PhD hard-wired to react emotionally to one another. feel better, and to shift how we feel about
In fact, our emotions are far more contagious moving again!
A black-and-white belief that we create our own than any known virus. This means that every
reality can lead to shame, self-blame, and one of our interactions with other people (Continued on Page 39)
excess stress. Ironically, and in reality, this is a changes us and them a tiny bit, for better or
misperception. Just look around you: how many worse … Due to the vast contagion of emotions,