Page 3 - 200812 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper - December 2008

3 The Top 100 Weird Stories of 2008 3 The Top 100 Weird Stories of 2008 The Top 100 Weird performer landed on his face, he was able to parrot is no stool pigeon. The Top 100 Weird jump right up and elude officers -- first on foot, 89. Man Sues Doctors for Amputating Stories of 2008 and then by swimming across a pond. All the Penis Stories of 2008 while, his hands were cuffed behind his back. A Kentucky man went in for a routine According to an onlooker, "He swam across circumcision (if there is such a thing) and woke 100. Teenager Jailed for Making like Flipper." It wasn't until a week later that Grandmother Do Gangster Rap Video police were able to catch up with him -- and up to find his entire penis amputated. Not surprisingly, Kevin George is suing his doctors, Eighteen-year-old Florida man Michael Alfinez only because he turned himself in. who claim they spotted cancer and made an was jailed for shooting a homemade rap video emergency decision that couldn't wait until he in which he coaxed his senile grandmother into 94. Woman Tricked into Sex by Penis woke up a few hours later. holding a gun and threatening to "shoot all Cream Treatment pigs." According to detectives, 85-year-old An English schoolteacher alleged in court that a Marie Huertes said she felt "ashamed" while Syrian airline pilot tricked her into having sex 88. Nine-year-old-boy Told He's Too viewing the video and that "they are making a with him by claiming the best way to apply a criminal out of me." The rest of the Alfinez certain gynecological ointment into her vagina Good to Pitch family chalked it up to the proverbial was via the tip of his penis. According to her A nine-year-old Little Leaguer was told that his "misunderstanding." lawyer, this happened more then once, and the 40 mph fastball was just too speedy, and he was banned from pitching in the Youth Baseball man "thrust slowly or quickly" during specific 99. Man Banned by Court from sessions depending on "doctor's advice." League of New Haven, Conn. When his coach defied the league edict and put Jericho Scott Girlfriend's Home After Noisy Sex back on the mound, the league disbanded his A British court banned 32-year-old Adam 93. Nude Maid Takes off with 40K in team. "I feel sad," Scott said. "I feel like it's all Hinton from visiting the apartment of a 28-year- Jewels my fault nobody could play." old girlfriend after neighbors complained about A "nude maid," who advertised her services on their noisy lovemaking sessions. One woman Craigslist for $100 an hour, allegedly stole 87. Man Calls 911 Over Incorrect told the court her young daughter was so $40,000 worth of jewels from the home of a traumatized by the sounds of intense pleasure Tampa man who solicited her. What doesn't gel Sandwich that the toddler began suffering nightmares and about this story is that there are only a couple of Reginald Peterson dialed 911 not once, but wetting the bed. places a nude woman can hide jewelry, and they twice, after the sandwiches he ordered from Subway did not have all the fixings he had would be the places somebody who just paid requested. When the cops arrived and tried to 98. German Playboy Files Charges $100 to see her naked would have his eyes on. Against Girl for Refusal of Sex explain to Peterson the proper way to use the was emergency he service, response Despite a night on the town that ended back at 92. Woman Brands Thoughtless Date uncooperative and they arrested him. It should his place, a 19-year-old Berlin woman refused with Hot Iron surprise no one that this went down in Florida. to have sex with 77-year-old German playboy Kristina Caban was sentenced to five years in Rolf Eden, saying he was too old for her. So prison after being found guilty of branding the 86. Graffiti Snails Attack London what did Eden do? He sued her for ageism. body of a date who never called her back after A British graffiti artist known only as Slinkachu "After all, there are laws against they had sex. Caban and Samir Sarah went out decided to unleash on the world a slow-moving discrimination," the septuagenarian argued. in 2004, but it wasn't until December of 2006 art project -- snails with graffiti painted on their Legal experts predict the old man will also that Caban lured Samir to a hotel and, with the backs. The 28-year-old reassured Metro UK strike out in court. help of her new boyfriend, used a hot iron to readers, "No snails were harmed -- they just had burn an "R" on Samir's torso. their homes vandalized." 97. WTF! Woman in Cow Suit Arrested for Creating Chaos 91. Guy Had Sex with 1,000 Cars 85. Sarah Palin Sex Doll Thirty-two-year-old Michelle Allen was Edward Smith, a self-confessed Machaphiliac, The litigiously savvy adult product arrested for an all-day rampage that included has confessed to making love to 1,000 cars. One manufacturers who created a blow-up sex doll terrorizing small children, blocking traffic and can't help but be suspicious of a claim of sexual in the image of Alaska's sexiest governor ever urinating on porches (none her own). Oh, and conquest -- whether it be of flesh and blood or (sorry Frank Murkowski), labeled it the "This Is she did it all dressed as a cow machine -- that contains such a nice, round NOT Sarah Palin Inflatable Love Doll." But number. Nevertheless, most folks would still be they were willing to concede the sex toy could 96. Woman Puts Seatbelt on Beer, Forgets comfortable granting that Smith has porked help you "cross party lines with your own About Baby more cars than the typically lonely guy. Oddly, inflatable running mate." A Florida woman arrested for drunk driving had Smith lists "his most intense sexual experience" a case of beer buckled up safely while her one- as the time he was able to make love to the 84. Man Sues Doctor for Stapling His year-old daughter sat in the back seat secured helicopter from the 1980 TV hit "Airwolf." A by neither car seat nor seat belt. When the bi-machaphiliac? Butt Shut arresting officer asked why the girl wasn't A West Virginia man is suing his doctor in restrained Tina Williams replied, "I don't 90. Lost Parrot Tells Veterinarian His federal court after a botched surgery that left his know." Address rectum stapled shut. As a result of this tragedy, Ronald Watkins had to go 17 days without A lost parrot that refused to speak to the police defecating. Watkins's lawsuit doesn't seek a 95. Greatest Police Car Escape Ever Made who rescued him opened right up when the cops by a Gay Porn Star turned him over to a vet, reciting his name and specific amount of damages. After being arrested for possessing a half-ounce address as his owner had trained him to. "I tried of crack and a handgun, gay porn star Taleon to be friendly and talk to him," said police head-butted his way out the back window of a officer Shinjiro Uemura, "but he completely The Top 100 Weird Stories of 2008 moving police car. Even though the adult Continued on Page 4 ignored me." 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