Page 7 - 200812 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper - December 2008

7 The Top 100 Weird Stories of 2008 7 The Top 100 Weird Stories of 2008 The Top 100 Weird and got nabbed by the cops when she came back pity the next guy those cops have to subdue. The Top 100 Weird to retrieve it. To make matters worse, the police Stories of 2008 had found marijuana in her abandoned property. 37. 2,700-Year-Old Marijuana Found Stories of 2008 Evans was stripped of her crown, but, as you in Tomb Continued from Page 6 can see from her mug shot, was able maintain Archeologists excavating a 2,700-year-old tomb Continued from Page 6 her pageant-girl grin despite the embarrassing in northern China came across an herbal 50 People Looking for Virgin Mary in ordeal. surprise when they dug up a 789-gram stash of Sun Go Blind Go Blind cannabis that was clearly "cultivated for Fifty people in India lost their vision looking for 43. Anti-Emo Riots Break Out Across psychoactive purposes." But we mustn't be too an image of the Virgin Mary that was reportedly Mexico quick to think of the tomb's long-dead occupant inside of the sun. This story proves that it's all While one doesn't necessarily associate Mexico as a pothead who couldn't bear the thought of a fun and games when the Virgin Mary appears on with the emo lifestyle, sensitive teenagers marijuana-free afterlife. toast, but when she pops up in the sun wearing skinny jeans, tear-blurred guyliner and somebody is going to lose an eye (or two). Morrissey T-shirts are apparently becoming a 36. Guy Catches Co-Workers Having real problem for our neighbor to the south. So Sex, Gets Fired for It 49. Pinky Finger Raised to Mouth: much so that large, angry mobs have taken to When an employee at a New York ad agency '$3,014,170,389,176,410!' going on emo-beating rampages. peeked over his cubicle wall and saw two of his A victim of Hurricane Katrina is suing the U.S. co-workers all-out getting it on, he couldn't help government for a little over $3 quadrillion (15 42. 12-Year-Old Magneto Man Breaks but hit the record button on his cell. Not only a zeros). For some perspective, the value of the Every Computer He Touches morally dubious choice, it also became a career- whole, entire world is estimated at $65 trillion Every computer Upstate New York boy Joe ending one when he e-mailed the clip to a (12 zeros). Falciatano III touches goes haywire. Tests have "couple of friends." Needless to say, the video been run on the 12-year-old, who has dubbed went viral. 48. Man Kills Bear with Stick, and himself "Magneto Man" and seems to enjoy the He's Got the Scars to Prove It attention. 35. Pupils Discover Their Teacher in a 2008 was the year Stephen Colbert reminded us Porn Ad on YouTube all how terrifying bears are. Nobody knows this 41. Man Carves Wife a 6,000-Stair Students in an English private school spotted better than Canadian Jim West, who squared off Path in Mountain one of their teachers simulating sex in a raunchy toe-to-toe with an angry black bear, eventually Because their love was forbidden (she was ten YouTube video. Of course, it quickly became beating the godless killing machine to death year older then he was, and that was a big no-no the talk of the schoolyard. Sarah Green, who is with a stick. Lest anyone doubts his tale, West at the time) a Chinese couple was forced to live young and attractive, shot the racy clothing ad has a bear carcass and 60 stitches on his skull in a secluded cave on the top of a mountain. Liu before taking her teaching post, but she was still that says it is true. then spent 50 years hand-carving 6,000 steps suspended pending an investigation. Kids today into the mountainside so his bride could easily have it way too easy. Back in our school days, 47. Penis Theft on the Rise descend back to the village. How romantic. we only had our imaginations to conjure up Police in the Congo arrested 13 suspected Now remember to put down the toilet seat. images of our favorite teacher simulating sex. sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises. After making their 40. Man Drilling Hole in Wall with 34. Man Charged for Having Sex with victim's manhood disappear, the magical thief Gun Shoots and Kills Wife Patio Table will then extort him with the promise of its During the installation of a satellite dish, Note to everyone: Do not have sex with the return. "I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Missouri man Ronald Long became frustrated umbrella hole of your backyard picnic table. said police chief Jean-Dieudonne Oleko. "But with his inability to punch a hole through an Your neighbor may be filming it, and it may when you try to tell the victims that their interior wall using traditional means. So he lead to you being arrested. penises are still there, they tell you that it's pulled out his trusty .22 caliber handgun and become tiny or that they've become impotent." solved the problem like a cartoon character 33. Due to Hilarious Printing Error, would. Sadly, one of the bullets struck and Batman Comic Curses 46. Man Has Sex with Steel Bench, killed his wife, who was in the yard. Making Almost Loses Penis Long either a tragic dope or a cunning murderer Throughout the "All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder" series, the illustrators have been A man in Hong Kong attempting to have sex with amazing aim. using profanity, only to block it out before the with a small hole in a metallic park bench issues are printed. This tactic backfired in managed to get his swollen member so stuck 39. Moses Was High on Drugs, Claims September's edition, when a printing mistake that the paramedics had to load the entire bench Israeli Researcher left all the censored words visible through the into the ambulance with him. It took surgeons An Israeli researcher has claimed Moses was not-black-enough censor bar. DC Comics four hours to pry the man from the seating, and goofy on psychedelics when he heard God recalled the issue, but not before some got into doctors stated that if it had taken much longer deliver the Ten Commandments. Cognitive circulation. We wish we had gotten our hands he would have lost his penis. psychologist Benny Shanon added that mind- on a copy: Not only would it be worth more altering substances were an integral part of the than we paid for it, but reading Batman using 45. Man Steals $50,000 by Taking a religious rites of Israelites during biblical times, the C-word never fails to make our inner-12- Few Pennies at a Time and that Moses was also high when he saw the year-old giggle. It happened in "Office Space," it happened in burning bush. "Superman II," and now it has happened in real 32. Facebook Addict Slept with 50 life. A California man was arrested for 38. Man Hit by Police Taser Asks 'Is Men siphoning off pennies from various dummy That All You Got?' A woman in England created a Facebook group online trading accounts to the tune of $50,000. Officers investigating a report of domestic called "I need sex," and then proceeded to sleep violence tased a 250-pound Syracuse man when with 50 of the men who joined. The horny social 44. Miss Teen USA Loses Crown Over he refused to put his hands behind his back. Yet networker admitted that some people might $46 Bill, Pot in Purse instead of flailing around in "Don't tase me "look down on her," but that she was satisfying Adding to the ever-expanding list of disgraced bro"-like histrionics, Benjamin Myers pulled her needs by setting up the group. Eventually, beauty queens, Miss Teen Louisiana, Lindsay the probe from his stomach, laughed, and Facebook removed her page. All for the best, as Evans, was arrested for walking out on a $46 taunted the police with a "That's all you got?" Facebook really shouldn't be used to troll for restaurant tab. Unfortunately for the criminal Myers was eventually arrested for resisting sex when MySpace is still around. mastermind, she left her purse in the restaurant arrest and first-degree criminal contempt. We Continued on Page 9