Page 11 - 200812 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper - December 2008

11 The Top 100 Weird Stories of 2008 11 The Top 100 Weird Stories of 2008 The Top 100 Weird earth, and we're getting pretty sick of Warren vs. neighbors demanded use of the apartment. The Top 100 Weird Buffet's smug self-satisfied grimace. Stories of 2008 3. Chocolate Factory Refuses Stories of 2008 Continued from Page 9 7. Demon Washes Ashore on New York Bathroom Access to 5-Year-Old with Continued from Page 9 Beach Diarrhea The loveable hairless animal (?) carcass Everyone who has ever worked customer 12. British Farmer Hides DIY Castle captured our hearts over the summer when it service knows the rules of customer bathroom Behind Hay for Years washed up on a beach in Montauk on Long usage: always give the key to old people, A British farmer built a full-sized castle behind Island. Gawker, who broke the story, described pregnant women and little kids. The reason an enormous screen of hay bales and lived there the unidentifiable hell-beast as "rodent-like being that those people will go whether you let concealed for four years to escape building creature with a dinosaur beak. "Following the them into the bathroom or not, and you don't regulators. Eventually he took the hay down -- picture's publication, the story was picked up by want to be stuck cleaning that up for minimum thinking he had complied with a zoning every major television news outlet and a host of wage. commission rule that states a structure can stand veterinary experts were hauled in to classify if nobody objects to it for four years. No such "Monty." Was it a dead bulldog? De-shelled sea 2. Never Steal a Law Student's Laptop luck, as the local council decreed it must be turtle? Ultimately, celebrity vet Jeff Corwin Never try to steal a law student's briefs. When a demolished. Now the farmer must regret arming claimed to lay the case to rest with his thief named Gabriel Saucedo (whose face the ramparts with only mock cannons. convincing side-by-side comparison of the already makes a great case for state-mandated Montauk Monster with a slightly decomposed paper-bag wearing) broke into ASU Law 11. Student Arrested for Cutting Food raccoon. We prefer to believe the much more student Alex Botsios's apartment, the young JD with a Knife exciting theory that Monty was the unholy let the man with the bat take what he wanted -- An elementary school student was arrested and result of animal experimentation conducted at a until he went for the laptop. At that point, Alex charged with possession of a weapon on school nearby government testing facility. Too bad he wrestled the would-be Dell-snatcher to the property after being caught using a knife she was too small and dead to destroy the ground and beat the living be Jesus out of his had brought from home to cut her food at lunch. Hamptons. face, so much so that police had to take him to Although the ten-year-old Florida girl was the hospital for stitches before they could never accused of threatening anyone with her 6. Goth Who Walks His Girlfriend on properly book him. Everybody who reported on personal cutlery, school officials saw fit to teach a Leash Is Told No Dogs Allowed this news item made it seem like a motivated her a lesson in obeying the letter of the law, and An angry bus driver refused to let Dani Graves student's moment of heroism, but to us it sounds had her carted off to juvie. " lead his girlfriend, 19-year-old Tasha Maltby more like a case of a guy with a laptop full of onto his bus, explaining, "We don't let freaks secret unicorn porn. 10. Oregon Woman Loses $400,000 to and dogs like you on." The couple complained Nigerian E-mail Scam to the bus company saying that they were the 1. Gmail Goggles Prevents Drunk This is webscam classic, and enjoyed the victims of a hate crime. "I am a pet, I generally Emails popularity due to the kind of nostalgia normally act animal like and I lead a really easy life," she After what we assume must have been one too reserved for Mario Kart. Janella Spears, a said. "I don't cook or clean and I don't go many unintelligible missives from Larry Page's nursing administrator and CPR teacher sent anywhere without Dani. It might seem strange high-school girlfriend, Google introduced a $400,000 dollars over the course of two years to but it makes us both happy. It's my culture and rudimentary anti-drunken email program. "Mail con artists in a "Nigerian Scam" involving my choice. It isn't hurting anyone." Goggles" verifies your sobriety by asking you "official-looking documents and certificates to solve a few incredibly simple math problems, from the Bank of Nigeria and the United so it also works for people who are too stupid to Nations. President Bush and FBI Director 5. Man Hires Hitman to Kill Wife. be allowed within a power strip cord's length of Robert Mueller." Wife Kills Hitman an electrical outlet. Now if the iPhone could Greatest story of the year? Possibly. Story with only come up with an anti-drunk dial app, we'd 9. Prostitutes on Google Street View the most delicious irony? Definitely. Susan be much less likely to perform our weekly Easily one of the best Internet memes of the Kuhnhausen returns home from work to find a Saturday-morning-involuntary-forehead-slap year was finding wild, outlandish sh*t captured man waiting with a claw hammer to killer. I ritual. [] by the cartographers of Google Street View. repeat, a claw hammer. Not only does she Besides helping us out with directions, Google survive, she ends up strangling him to death THE ‘X’ ZONE RADIO SHOW Street View provided us with passed-out drunks, with her bare hands. Further investigation THE ‘X’ ZONE RADIO SHOW thieves caught in the act, and, of course, girls revealed that the man was actually a hit man Is Now Available At Is Now Available At tanning in bikinis. In this map of Oakland, hired by Kuhnhausen's estranged husband. iTUNES California, Google managed to catch some Perhaps he will be next? Of course, exuberant iTUNES ladies of the night peddling their wares in broad congratulations came from all over the web, so daylight. much that Kuhnhausen could not respond to all of them. On her voicemail, she left this 8. Man Tries to Cash Check Worth message, "I'm not able to answer all the calls $360,000,000 that I've received in the past few days. I'm being Criminals! Did you know they occasionally do comforted by your concern and your support. I stupid things? Like Charles Ray Fuller, a one want you to know that our lives are all at risk for man brain trust from Fort Worth, who tried to random acts, but more likely random acts of cash a check for $360,000,000,000 (we believe love will come your way than random acts of that many zeroes are pronounced "a violence." bajillionty"). Charles claimed that the pittance was a gift from his girlfriend's mother, intended 4. Woman Sat Dead in Front of TV for to help him get set up in the record industry. 42 Years Seeing as the check was enough to buy an The tale of the Croatian woman who sat dead in archipelago and declare it the Nation of Record front of her television for 42 years before Industry, the bank called the cops and an someone checked on her is debated enough that investigation revealed that said girlfriend's it was marked it with a warning that the content mother had no knowledge of doing Charles such may be inaccurate. Details vary between a massive solid. Too bad, because that kind of versions of the story -- dead 42 years vs. 35 www.apple.com/itunes money would have made him the richest man on years, 1966 vs. 1973, the police had to break in