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include compassion, lovingkindness, Although the Buddhist tradition and spouse is an important part
mindfulness, and equanimity, teaches there is a final end to the of the good life for most people.
and taking joy in the happiness path—Nirvāṇa—I personally The point of healthy attachments
of others; the knowledge that our believe the path has no final end. is that they are attachments to the
thoughts and actions have future However far we explore, there right sorts of things in the right
consequences; and the knowledge is always more we can discover. sorts of way. Healthy attachments
that we are deeply interconnected However much we have a vision of aren’t rigid, obsessive, and all
with all beings and the Earth how everything is interdependent, it consuming. They recognize that
that supports us. It is a life that is always a partial view seen from our people and relationships change
recognizes that the external goods limited human perspective. However and that one cannot prevent change.
society worships—wealth, status, much we cultivate compassion, we All relationships eventually end
power, dominance, fame, popularity, can always learn to become more through change, or drifting apart,
accumulation, competition, and compassionate. I fervently believe in or death, and when we lose people
consumption—have little to do with the value of journeying on the path, we care about we mourn. But
the genuinely good life and may but I don’t believe we can achieve a that doesn’t mean a life without
even be detrimental to it. complete, final end to all suffering. such attachments is a better one.
What we can do is cultivate the Learning how to be in a loving
The Buddha lived as a monastic insights and skills that significantly relationship with others teaches
for 45 years after he was enhance our wellbeing so that we all the skills Buddhism wants us to
awakened. But his followers suffer less and less. cultivate: mindfulness, compassion,
today are mainly lay people. lovingkindness, equanimity,
So what’s the good life for a lay Part of the rationale for monastic generosity, honesty, discernment,
dharma practitioner? life is that it requires one to give and self-restraint.

up attachments to family, romantic
Without disparaging the monastic partners, wealth, and sensual While it is true that daily lay
life, I believe lay life offers all pleasures. But monastic life meditation practice with occasional
the opportunities one needs for introduces new kinds of desires meditation retreats will not help us
awakening. Discovering what it and attachments: the competition, attain the same degree of meditative
means to be a good child, spouse, for example, among monks to depth that an ideal monastic life
parent, professional, or citizen be recognized as one’s teacher’s can foster, lay practice is sufficient
requires an intimate sensitivity successor or to attain status within for us to learn to live lives that are
and attention to our lives and the monastic hierarchy. Human meaningful, emotionally satisfying,
relationships—the kind of intimate desire continues in monastic life and morally decent.
attention that meditation fosters. just as it does in lay life, only it
Every choice we make in lay life finds different objects and means In Buddhism, we are told to
offers us opportunities to discover of expression. cherish others and not have self-
what fairness, honesty, integrity, cherishing thoughts. But isn’t it
kindness, courage, compassion, My own view is that our desires only human for us to take care of
responsibility and generosity mean, and attachments are not all bad. ourselves more than others?
not abstractly, but in this concrete Desiring to be more compassionate
situation right here, right now. The or to be a better parent or spouse Self-cherishing thoughts naturally
Buddha, Aristotle, and Confucius are good desires. Wanting to arise in all human beings. How
all looked on ethical cultivation as be part of a group of family and could it be otherwise? Everyone
a lifelong path open to continual friends who mutually love each prefers to be surrounded by the
development and renewal. other is also a healthy desire. Being pleasant and avoid the unpleasant
attached to one’s parents, children, whenever possible. Everyone