Page 586 - A Little Life: A Novel

“I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry, Jude,” says Freston, and
around him, everyone murmurs their agreement.
He wants to make the moment light, to say—because it is true—“That’s

the first time I’ve heard you be so sincere since I told you what your bonus
would be last year, Freston,” but he doesn’t, just takes a deep breath.
“Thank you, Gabe,” he says. “Thanks, all of you. Now everyone—back to
work,” and they scatter.
The surgery will be on a Monday, and although he stays at the office late
on Friday, he doesn’t go in on Saturday. That afternoon, he packs a bag for
the hospital; that evening, he and Willem have dinner at the tiny sushi place

where they first celebrated the Last Supper. His final sessions with Patrizia
and Yasmin had been on Thursday; Andy calls early on Saturday to tell him
that he has the X-rays back, and that although the infection hasn’t budged, it
also hasn’t spread. “Obviously, it won’t be a problem after Monday,” he
says, and he swallows, hard, just as he had when Andy had said earlier that
week, “You won’t have this foot pain after next Monday.” He remembers

then that it is not the problem that is being eradicated; it is the source of the
problem that is being eradicated. One is not the same as the other, but he
supposes he has to be grateful, finally, for eradication, however it is
delivered.
He eats his final meal on Sunday at seven p.m.; the surgery is at eight the
next morning, and so he is to have no more food, no more medication,
nothing to drink, for the rest of the night.

An hour later, he and Willem descend in the elevator to the ground floor,
for his last walk on his own legs. He has made Willem promise him this
walk, and even before they begin—they will go south on Greene one block
to Grand, then west just another block to Wooster, then up Wooster four
blocks to Houston, then back east to Greene and south to their apartment—
he isn’t sure he’ll be able to finish. Above them, the sky is the color of

bruises, and he remembers, suddenly, being forced out onto the street,
naked, by Caleb.
He lifts up his left leg and begins. Down the quiet street they walk, and at
Grand, as they are turning right, he takes Willem’s hand, which he never
does in public, but now he holds it close, and they turn right again and
begin moving up Wooster.
He had wanted so badly to complete this circuit, but perversely, his

inability to do so—at Spring, still two blocks south of Houston, Willem