Page 647 - A Little Life: A Novel

to meet him, to see if there’s any sort of chemistry between you two”—
Andy smiles a bit, but he can’t bring himself to smile back—“and if there’s
not, for whatever reason, then we’ll have plenty of time to find you

someone else. I have a couple of other people in mind who I know would
be amenable to giving you the full-service treatment. And I won’t leave
until we get you settled somewhere.”
He still can’t say anything, can’t even lift his head to look at Andy.
“Jude,” he hears Andy say, softly, pleadingly. “I wish I could stay forever,
for your sake. You’re the only one I wish I could stay for. But I’m tired. I’m
almost sixty-two, and I always swore to myself I’d retire before I turned

sixty-five. I—”
But he stops him. “Andy,” he says, “of course you should retire when
you want to. You don’t owe me an explanation. I’m happy for you. I am.
I’m just. I’m just going to miss you. You’ve been so good to me.” He
pauses. “I’m so dependent on you,” he admits at last.
“Jude,” Andy begins, and then is silent. “Jude, I’ll always be your friend.

I’ll always be here to help you, medically or otherwise. But you need
someone who can grow old with you. This guy I’m bringing in is forty-six;
he’ll be around to treat you for the rest of your life, if you want him.”
“As long as I die in the next nineteen years,” he hears himself saying.
There’s another silence. “I’m sorry, Andy,” he says, appalled by how
wretched he feels, how pettily he is behaving. He has always known, after
all, that Andy would retire at some point. But he realizes now that he had

never thought he would be alive to see it. “I’m sorry,” he repeats. “Don’t
listen to me.”
“Jude,” Andy says, quietly. “I’ll always be here for you, in one way or
another. I promised you way back when, and I still mean it now.
“Look, Jude,” he continues, after a pause. “I know this isn’t going to be
easy. I know that no one else is going to be able to re-create our history. I’m

not being arrogant; I just don’t think anyone else is going to totally
understand, necessarily. But we’ll get as close as we can. And who couldn’t
love you?” Andy smiles again, but once more, he can’t smile back. “Either
way, I want you to come meet this new guy: Linus. He’s a good doctor, and
just as important, a good person. I won’t tell him any of your specifics; I
just want you to meet him, all right?”
So the next Friday he goes uptown, and in Andy’s office is another man,

short and handsome and with a smile that reminds him of Willem’s. Andy