Page 130 - Stephen R. Covey - The 7 Habits of Highly Eff People.pdf

But you can't change the fruit without changing the root. Working on the attitudes and
behaviors would have been hacking at the leaves. So we focused instead on producing
personal and organizational excellence in an entirely different way by developing
information and reward systems which reinforced the value of cooperation.

Whether you are the president of a company or the janitor, the moment you step from
independence into interdependence in any capacity, you step into a leadership role. You
are in a position of influencing other people. And the habit of effective interpersonal
leadership is Think Win-Win.

Six Paradigms of Human Interaction

Win-win is not a technique; it's a total philosophy of human interaction. In fact, it is one
of six paradigms of interaction. The alternative paradigms are win-lose, lose-win, lose-
lose, win, and Win-Win or No Deal TM

Win-Win

Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human
interactions. Win-win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial,
mutually satisfying. With a win-win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and
feel committed to the action plan. Win-win sees life as a cooperative, not a competitive
arena. Most people tend to think in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or
softball, win or lose. But that kind of thinking if fundamentally flawed. It's based on
power and position rather than on principle. Win-win is based on the paradigm that there
is plenty for everybody, that one person's success is not achieved at the expense or
exclusion of the success of others.

Win-win is a belief in the Third Alternative. It's not your way or my way; it's a better
way, a higher way.

Win-Lose

One alternative to win-win is win-lose, the paradigm of the race to Bermuda. It says "If I
win, you lose. In leadership style, win-lose is the authoritarian approach: "I get my way;
you don't get yours."

Win-lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality
to get their way. Most people have been deeply scripted in the win-lose mentality since
birth. First and most important of the powerful forces at work is the family. When one
child is compared with another -- when patience, understanding or love is given or
withdrawn on the basis of such comparisons -- people are into win-lose thinking.
Whenever love is given on a conditional basis, when someone has to earn love, what's
being communicated to them is that they are not intrinsically valuable or lovable. Value
does not lie inside them, it lies outside. It's in comparison with somebody else or against
some expectation.

And what happens to a young mind and heart, highly vulnerable, highly dependent
upon the support and emotional affirmation of the parents, in the face of conditional
love? The child is molded, shaped, and programmed in the win-lose mentality.

"If I'm better than my brother, my parents will love me more."

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