Page 16 - Bondage Basics: Naughty Knots and Risque Restraints

But first, the basics: Bondage is the practice of tying or restraining a partner for sexual or If all this seems too much like the movie Secretary, don’t be alarmed (unless you loved that
artistic purposes. In this book we’ll be talking mostly about bondage with rope, simply
because it is the most fun. Bondage is often discussed in the wider category of BDSM, as it
tends to overlap with other kinky activities (and is all the better for it, if you ask me), some
of which you’ll find yourself interested in and some of which you won’t. That’s totally fine;
your journey through rope bondage is your own, and you should find your own path.
Now, if the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done in the bedroom is leave the door open when
the kids were due home, the term “BDSM” can seem a little intimidating. Popular culture
and books and movies that feature BDSM relationships have also left a lot of people
thinking that these relationhips must be abusive. This is far, far from the truth. The BDSM
community values trust, safety, and communication above all else and engages in pain
for pleasure only in a consensual and loving setting. Even if BDSM is a fairly new concept
to you, you’ve probably already strayed a lot closer to BDSM-style sexual expression than
you think; whether it was using those pink, fluffy handcuffs someone bought you for
your twenty-first birthday or accidentally whipping your partner while you were trying to
seductively remove his belt that one time, the chances are you’ve experienced a little bit of
pain for pleasure at least once in your life. If not, don’t worry. That’s what this book is for.
Let’s start from the very beginning. What does BDSM mean?
BDSM isn’t one specific acronym. Instead, it takes in the three concepts of bondage and
discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. Named after the
Marquis de Sade, the eighteenth-century French aristocrat who was imprisoned for writing
salacious erotic literature that focused on pain and pleasure, sadism is the experience
of pleasure through inflicting pain, while masochism is the experience of pleasure while
receiving pain. These terms have been used over the years to describe these experiences
as paraphilia (or “strange” sexual practices), especially in medical texts, so most of us in
the various BDSM communities prefer the term “sadomasochist” these days. This also
describes the fluid sexuality that can allow people to enjoy being both dominant and
submissive, or both giving and receiving pleasure through pain—although doing both at the
same time can cause chafing and a bad back.
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movie, in which case, it’s exactly like that). BDSM activities range in intensity, and almost
anything, when done right, can come under the BDSM umbrella. Tying your husband’s
wrists to the bedframe with his neckties and making him watch you do a striptease is
BDSM; so is buying your first 6-inch strap-on and making him beg you to use it on him.
There are a million and one different ways to enjoy BDSM and you should never feel
pressured to go beyond your own personal boundaries—although exploring where exactly
your boundaries lie is part of the fun!
In this book, however, we’re going to focus on the bondage and discipline part of BDSM,
and more specifically on the bondage element. This includes bondage using rope and
bondage using classic items that are found around the house or on your person, like
scarves, belts, and men’s ties. I am going to show you how to make it safe and sexy at the
same time. If you feel like the other BDSM stuff sounds better than a night in watching
reality TV and eating cold mac ’n’ cheese, then you can find many useful links and book
titles at the back of this book under the resources section (and remember—your best
friend is your dirty mind!). This chapter serves as a fluffer, if you will, before we get to the
main event: the rope!
Vocabulary
Like every subculture, BDSM has its terms, phrases, and jargon. Here’s a short list of some
of the most important terms to learn when you’re starting, but you’ll no doubt pick up a lot
more along your journey. Just don’t repeat any of these in front of your mother.
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