Page 43 - Bondage Basics: Naughty Knots and Risque Restraints

between your cheeks, and over your genitals before making its way back up to your neck,
so every time you struggle, it teases you a little more. Talk about wanting to be gagged with
your own underwear while you’re bent over and duct taped to a chair, your eyes free to see
everything that’s happening but your hands unable to move. Share your dirtiest dreams
and listen to your partner’s. It’s the most fun you can have with your clothes on!

When you’re finally comfortable with your partner, and you’re confident that he or she
knows and understands your mind-set, now is the time to start setting boundaries or
ground rules. Every person has both hard and soft limits, in life but especially in bondage.
Hard limits are lines that you simply will not cross, and that you don’t even want to
approach in any real way. Your hard limit might be golden showers, or forced lesbianism,
or even having your eyes covered; no one will judge your limits, and if they do, then that
is not the type of person that you should be playing with at all. Soft limits are a little more
open to discussion; they are things that you’ll approach in certain circumstances, or things
that you’d like to work toward over time with trust. You should know your partner’s limits
and they should know yours. Write them down, if you think that would help. Some people
script out a “contract for play” that sets these boundaries. Come up with whatever makes
you feel comfortable that your boundaries will be respected.

Next up is your safe word. The safe word is an essential part of bondage. In fact, it is the
single most important topic you’ll ever talk about. A safe word is a word that calls all play to
a halt. It signals to the dominant participants in a scene that lines have been crossed, and
that a submissive is either in pain, uncomfortable, unhappy, or simply distressed. Whatever
the reason, once the safe word is said, the scene will stop instantly and the issues will be
addressed. For this reason, your safe word should be quick and easy to remember. I like to
use the simple traffic light system: green, yellow, and red, with red being the emergency
safe word. It is universal and easy to remember. I caution against using complicated words
like “flamingo” or “Guatemala” because you might have multiple sets of safe words for
multiple partners, and the last thing you need is confusion when all you really need is one
easy syllable to get out of the bondage. When one partner is gagged and cannot say his or
her safe word, that person should have something heavy to drop onto the floor. This should
be something small but weighty. This action should signal to the top that the submissive
wants to stop.

Remember your safe word, in case the biting gets to be too much! „

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